TMIT: I WANT THE HAIR OF WILLIAN

i NEED the hair of Willian. i was calling him William all this time for the longest. y'know there are many soccer players with JUST the name William.

and the Rio lifestyle. and the steps. and the ghost of the artist of the steps reborn into a salsa king. i'm missing my puffy cloud of frizzy hair. i shaved it all off yesterday after two months' growth.

i need to WILL the hair of Willian back into me and on my head.

1. picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well? draw houses. mind you back then you think you're Picasso even if you don't know who Picasso is. i drew a block with a door and knob on it and thought it was Uncle Scrooge's Mansion, the duck, not the man. have you noticed? back then your only reference point for a house was your own home, so you drew whatever your home was shaped like as the shape for ALL houses on Earth. mine just happened to be the one on Gilmore that was coincidentally shaped like a small intimate square with one green bush on either side and i better not keep talking or i'll cry. Don's Plum, my first restaurant/bar. a child never forgets his or her first bar as a kid.

2. what are you really good at now? now i draw badly-drawn houses---a square with a square door and circle for the knob---but it's ironic and really does look like Picasso purposely. only another knob can draw a knob. do you ever get the feeling Picasso was just bullshitting us the whole time?

3. did you ever expect love in return and not get it? this is why i'm a blogger and not Rick Roberts. the actor, not the other Rick Roberts. acting on L.A. Doctors with the oranges-on-the-highway scene anticipating the return of King LeBron WAY before anyone else.

it's all explained in the Pirate Booty entry on my instagram, all the gory details.

the thing is, and it's taken decades for me to learn this, you can't really EXPECT love in this life, y'know? you can only give. like the Gumball song says, "if you can't forgive, just give." love is not a commodity to be bought and sold and bottled like water. well it is like water but like the water from a mountain stream, babbling so high no one is high enough to hear it. love is water that is free. forever free. water unable to be grasped in your hand.

love is like a World Cup match between Belgium and Japan. Japan is up 2-0, overperforming, and everyone is counting their teriyaki chickens thinking ahead to the Quarters where they've never been. the water in their miracle wells carved from the stone of the steps in the pink forests are babbling. there's gonna be a triumphant sports anime made of this. little did they notice the skewers. they end up losing 2-3 in stoppage time, that's what love is.

4. whom do you need to get in touch with because it has been so long? Jennifer Pizarro. but i'd settle for Jenny Baranick.

5. what are your thoughts on this?: "every woman deserves her special day. i get that. but does it really have to cost so much fucking money? i mean c'mon. if you're serious about building a future with a guy, why bankrupt him?"

you may be surprised who's attributed to that quote. Elizabeth Taylor

bonus: what is your number-one priority? figuring out what to do with my life before i die...

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