TMIT: HELP ME, I'VE EATEN A TV DINNER

1. are you addicted to any social media? (twitter/instagram/snapchat)? GO TO MY INSTAGRAM PAGE NOW!!! I NEED THE HITS!!! WHERE IS THE HIT COUNTER ON INSTAGRAM I CAN NEVER SEE IT?!!! THE REASON I UNFOLLOWED YOU WAS COS I'VE REACHED THE DREADED 7500-FOLLOWERS LIMIT!!!...

2. you know a secret about someone. what do you do with that information? a) i keep it to myself b) i tell my best friend c) i wait until they hurt me and use it as ammunition d) i tell everyone i can, i don't mean to, i simply cannot keep a secret revenge porn is the vilest of the vile, those engaged should be sent to the Tenth Circle of Hell down under where you can see Satan's little short pointy legs dangling from his ice pit as he chews on Judas. i tell my best friend, who is sworn to secrecy. problem is, my best friend is Kim Kardashian.

3. you see someone breaking the rules at work, what do you do? a) pretend not to see what is going on b) inform upper management c) advise the coworker that their actions are frowned upon and can lead to job loss d) tell everyone else in the office what you saw FIRST, i inform the Geico Gecko there's cake in the break room (you have to pay for it tho). THEN i ask if they can cut me in. the Revolution will come from the INSIDE. the spark of rebellion will lead to fire across the galaxy. as long as there's no hair loss.

4. a friend has a new hair style that is unbecoming and not really age-appropriate on them. they ask you how they look. what is your reply? a) you look just fine b) you look much better this way c) OMG you look a bit ridiculous d) *silence* silence. so i can pray. about how i want the Bieber cut. every man wants to be Bieber. it's not about the women, it's that every man wants that Bieber hair. when the Beta Generation grows up, they're gonna sit on their invisible porch and reminisce how they always wanted the flowing black hair on the wide head of that green gumball dude mascot from those wireless commercials. if Bob Ross were alive today he'd be sporting The Rachel.

5. how helpful are you at home? a) i come home and immediately veg out on the couch/bed b) i cook and clean a few times a week c) i am extremely helpful d) i do what i am asked and nothing more i live in a monastery. my fellow brothers are lazy asses. i have to do everything or the place turns to dust to dust. while they do nothing all day praying and watching tv, i clean and scrub and wash the dog and dishes and dishwasher by hand and trim the rosebushes and put away the copper pots on their hooks and plant gardens and buy all the clothes and carve all the crosses and bake all the bread and sniff all the baking powder and pick out the fruit for the fruitbread and buy a cat and stick the sorghum up my nose and sew all the potato sacks which are our clothes at least when we're not praying.

btw i probably shouldn't be on this site. at least not during work hours

bonus: in your opinion, what is the best city in the world? why? Hong Kong. you see how wide Anthony Bourdain's goofy grin is when he's there? he can't stop smiling enough to eat any food.

sorry, my stomach's been in knots ever since i ate that tv dinner last night, didn't get any sleep, spent the entire night on the monastery toilet, which they say is a blessing. that's why i'm crankier than Brother Burns who is our resident cranky monk who likes to lay into the community at breakfast with his patented verbal burns. where's my sewing kit?...

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