Friday, June 1, 2018



* by the same guy who did that truly horrifying Strangers piece, this is his verison of Friends. hey, at least he's saying we're now all related.

* the first birthday party. silver-oxide balloons blown from the silver oxide wafting over the forming lake

* Bigfoot invented dance. hunters thought he was just running away funny and shot him. so Bigfoot had to reemerge in our times and invent modern dance.

* not photoshop, '70s tye-dye acidwashed glitch. imagine the zoning permit required for this, what did the film crew tell the government?

* put litter in its place. Charlie Chaplin moved like Bigfoot. Charlie Chaplin was British but i never heard him speak. so he stands as a kind of World Citizen figure who represents all of us humanity. Charlie Chaplin was the missing link...

* HEALTH: another difficult obtuse concept to play with. good luck, guys

* this is making me nervous. it looks like those infrared night-goggles agent-orange x-ray shooting screens with the body heat and the Predator targets. learn from your mistakes, hstory of war! live and let live!

* the tinny Mario music and geometric vectors pointing in all directions just make it worse, masks it with the playful everything-is-a-simulation guise

* human beings on the assembly line and there's a design flaw. what Superjail should have been, i'd never say that to an artist. dunno, i never could get into Superjail the way my fellow kidults did drool. i could understand the frenetic nature being cool but there was no story, it was just like tipping over the dominos and watching them fly into a face each week. with Ballmasterz, finally FINALLY Karate Karacas---may I call you Christy? that is such a lovely name for a man, are you Venezuelan?---snatched my heart Superjail bloodily-style. Ballmasterz has actual characters and storylines and development i can care about, i want to see how it ends. and yes the fact that it's anime has something to do with it, man i'm in the tank for FLCL and the tank key is buried underwater.

* Rosa Parks, never forget, no matter what demagogues firebrandish

* so this is Han Solo's birth, right? or it's the Adventure Time finale leaked?

* remember that guy in the '70s you watched with the fro and the pink bodysuit showing all the internal organs? he was like if Bob Ross had a ROUGH night barbrawlin'. i wonder if it were the same character but female if PBS could still show it.

* blame government tracer-fire red lines and alive potatoes for the reason you can never seem to slim your fat ass

* who says water is good for you? or was she just wearing the wrong shoes? not sensible enough?

* never trust a bus that isn't moving........and looks like an esophagus


* also, the painful process of Spongebob becoming human

* Dante never told us about this Circle of Hell! where's Satan in the ice-pit in his own pool of pee chewing on some folk? i want to talk to Satan!!!

* who knew pumice could be so threatening? inside a photocopier machine, remember those?

* i knew that was more than an aching molar! it was a wormhole beyond space and time! dentists became the wrong scientists!

* it all comes down to the singularity, which is a giant can-opening tab on an aluminum soda can

* youtube, now THIS is scary

* sadly, this is who i wanted to be. not a fireman, not a policeman, Zach. i mean if there's even the slimmest chance to try to get out of working for a living, you know i gotta go for it.

* i'm always jealous of men who have that long straight Trent Reznor ravenblack hair. i was born in the wrong era, i needed to be boogieing in the '70s with my frizzy fro. btw Zach, nobody reads the comments.

* Zach Trevor: i'm wearing a brand vintage puffy jacket indoors but never mind that. never mind my stupid roommate, we're all in his dream, that phone he's carrying is off-model. why are there superfoods but no superdrinks? sadly, that idiot doing the gang hand signs is an actual ninja master from So-Cal Social. you can't go wrong with chia, i love my chia pet like my own dog. who holds the camera when God wants to take a selfie?

* entering the woman's back tattoo...why is that cold water boiling? shape a heart with your finger to cure all disease

* ointment saves lives. and is fun to say.

* the band Tool's treatment of a PSA they're doing for the government about not sticking that Q-tip down your ear hole or become deaf

* and Dr. Shaq with the IcyHot saves the day. and turns your injury into those slips on the edges of computer paper, remember those? you had to remove each side, they were perforated and full of holes every time a paper was spit out by a computer in the '80s. methodically you detached, they turned into curly-Qs and you were left with a pile of huge white curls at the corner of your office. recycling hadn't been invented yet. it was more fun playing with computers in the '80s.

* this is the tale when Dr. Robotnik went good...

* and Kurosawa mixed in with an environmental message which is never heeded. even after Disney buys the rights. and an illustration of George's whale story from Seinfeld with the golf ball, we're all waiting to see if Tiger can really accomplish the only revival of a tv show that matters...

* it's an allegory. the professor is a muppet like we all are. the whale represents not taking care of what matters: our insides. our soul. our inner light, that's why it's rainbow. there's a whale swimming in your stomach right now, that's how extraordinary your life is right now. or why it sucks and you can't keep anything down.

* trees shouldn't have bones and skeletons, that's unnatural and scary. all trees should look like broccoli.

* next time, don't use a cab, use Uber they have a new manager.

* take me to church! no wait, the sun is falling on the town, take me to the Sundial! now i understand how birds can be related to the dinosaurs, it's this whale, the whale is the missing link, not humans.

* crab 1: we're really gumdrops!
crab B: spicy gumdrops?
crab 1: if you want to find out. nobody checks my insides.
crab B: well not to see if you're a good person. can we go to Gumdrop Lane?
crab 1: that's where they have those gummi rootbeer bottles that taste like root beer...

* police in a clown car, angry all the time, following the environmental laws of the government

* durries=whale porn

* old shopkeep woman: a pox on your house, which houses all our eternal souls! i need no ill-gotten pirate booty! all i want is another cinder block to block the door!

* moral: next time give the whale superfoods. btw where are we supposed to throw our trash? every office corner eventually becomes the beach.

* you don't need to work out, buddy, every man has a paunch. i know from experience that some yoga moves are impossible for the body to do. you can't bend all the way over know

* that's a nice carpet you got there, mister. it's okay if it's just one donut.

* that's you as an old man if you eat two donuts. the celery stick becomes your cane it's an allegory.

* stop making that annoying sound with your fork, use your hands! in L.A. the highways allow for a running lane for celebrities to keep fit for our films. oh i get it, he was Captain Planet the whole time.

* this is what Tool really wants to do but it's not commercially viable. okay we get it, i'm a vegetarian now, happy? humans are made from meat, but where did you get that beeper? the beeper is the key to everything, it's like a bomb that keeps us in place. it's okay cos the gloves are orange, orange is a soothing color.

* this is why Doc Ock rarely has sex

* the man is a caveman and the women are fit fitbit yoga-instructors in hot pants?!! well now if that ain't our times

* not shooting

* the women and man should have gone into the primordial lake to complete the allegory

* would you be happy if you were human? i know i'd be.


happy weekend, my babies. we're gonna find out the NBA Champion before the Belmont Champion!

No comments: