Friday, June 15, 2018



* welcome to paradise, dun-dun-dun............dun dun dun dun dun-dun-dun..........Ameridise...

* something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. why is blue the color of choice? it just seems that's a pretty big deal to be the only color in the ancient spell. you would think it'd be pink. the ancient witches were very progressive.

* ripped jeans and swings with no safety inspectors. god i miss the '80s.

* everyone goes to Catholic day-school till the Bomb drops

* a specific date in the future is given. that's not Nov 4, 2020...

* talk is cheap. missiles are expensive.

* in their defense, they were only trying to achieve the world's biggest mushroom so everybody could get happy. it was the world's largest legalization of marijuana/UN Peacekeeping Mission

* wake up, guys on my couch, this isn't a video game!

* she's hot, she's got my vote.

* parody from the Gatekeepers is like a Chick tract. remember when you FIRST thought Lara Croft was hot? Bernie Sanders was the only one who survived, let's enjoy this one year of bliss with him together while we can. look at my dimples, i mean come on you can trust these dimples!!! on the whole pet/food thing i respect your choice but that doesn't give you license to eat my cat. it's a little gamey, i won't bullshit you and tell you it tastes like chicken, it doesn't.

* McPherson is dangerous, she's already hot why does she need to be Savior, too? that's too much power for one person! Jesus was average-looking according to the Bible. i won't bullshit you, when i say magic dust i mean real magic dust, not pot. look at my drug records, they were done by that doctor who looks like a Muppet. my opponent IS the system, even though it's only been three days. blood is a commodity we don't have! we need all that labor to reconstruct the dam that holds back the rivers of blood, apparently something happened over the railroad tracks i don't know i never go there. don't worry, i worship Sacram. not Satan, Sacram. comes from the root word for Sacrifice. just think of the lavage as a spa not a cleansing. want a ride in my black helicopter?

* i am Queen of the Rats. yes divorced, please don't ask where the king is. we don't mind being treated as pets but we were promised we'd win the Triple Crown every year. we rats INVENTED radiation, doesn't that count for something!? this is my chart that is also my giant piece of swiss cheese, i burned it a bit on the stove. i can smell the lies on you. i can't smell myself that's impossible. i'm so old i come from a time when cabals were good things, they were just meetings of good honest people at taverns. if factions are shaking palms and paws, does it matter how greased they are? if you're talking you're not fighting. the Quorum gave me an A rating, they don't know how to read and are just starting to learn their letters but still.

* wait don't change the channel! this isn't another KFC Colonel commercial. just kidding, you can't change the channel even if you wanted to. i am a hereditary dictator but that just means i value heritage. it looks like i have a gin goblet in my hand but i don't. they don't call me anything now......cos there are no more phones. do not politicize this tragedy, that's the last thing we need. i call her Adelaide after my favorite Power Rangers villain. i'm not creepy, the dolls are. if it keeps you less lonely, is it really such a bad thing? i mean that's why facebook was created, right? sorry, i won't mention the apprentice again, i know that's upsetting. i want teachers to be armed......with G 3 speed, the lightning speed of a bullet fired by a gun, Disney speed, not Samsung speed. robots are a good thing, they can handle the masturbation duties while we focus on more important things like society. robots don't need to wait an hour before starting another session the way humans do.

* Star Wars sucks! yeah i said it! completely misrepresented our people! the action-figure comes in the wrong-color robe! it's blue, dumbass, can't you see we wear blue!? the bandages on our heads are from our endless wars that YOU caused, it's not a religious symbol! hack job, total hack job.

* Brain: I am Brain. Father Brain. yes i am the Rat Queen's ex-husband. is it just me or is there an echo in here? i appreciate making my voice sound more ominous but i actually have a sweet-sounding voice, it's the reverb from being in this empty warehouse, can the boom-operator fix that? thanks. i appreciate you giving me this stool otherwise it'd be awkward cos you couldn't see me, i'm short. it's not as cute when it's not Groot, huh? i've fired my campaign manager, he had nothing to do with me. can someone change my water? it's getting a little yellow. this will all be worth it when i win and devalue all the currency. how am i speaking without a body? use your brains. oh you can't speak? too late, I AM your brain!

* vote for me, i'm American. you can trust me, i speak clearly, plainly, simply, and with no accent.

* big-box stores are the future. there is no more need for moms and pops. i haven't visited my folks in ages. the last time i saw my parents was when Brain came to visit me in Connecticut during the fall.

* Brain bloopers, to humanize me

* i miss when Cartoon Network did live-action...


this is how Cristiano scored that goal:


and then he scored the goal when Nacho was distracted.

Cristiano: i'm a good actor. i was named after Ronald Reagan.

happy weekend, my babies

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