TMIT: DON'T WATCH MR. NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED UNLESS YOU WANT TO WAKE UP WITH NIGHTMARES

1. is your sex life more fantasy or reality? it's like having a Tom Cruise fantasy. but it's a real actual Tom Cruise fantasy, the film Legend.

it's like Mr. Neighbor always says in his neighborhood. or Father Ted Crilly always says in his sermons................wait what DO they say? do they even give a toss? or is it just a job to them? the way the special ended last night was redemptive and feel-good until they yanked the rug from under me when i was at my most vulnerable. adult swim, you can be Joe Pera, too. it was actually quite touching. Mr. Neighbor comes out of his delusional stupor after seven years and says his first words. but they do a St. Elsewhere---btw only St. Elsewhere can do a St. Elsewhere cos that only works the first time, once---and it turns out the psychiatric doctor in the white lab coat was the patient. i suppose doctors are people, too, and deserve their own redemption arc. but Mr. Neighbor comes off as a cruel puppetmaster smoking that cig there. it made me night-terrified, which led to the incident.

2. if you could hook up with a past lover (with no repercussions or regrets), who would it be and why? (no need to use real names just briefly describe the person as to their relationship to you). Repercussion Nor Regret, that sounds like a Pink Floyd joint. well she was the blonde that got away over at the Berkeley Drama Dept. i've agonized over her ever since i decided to blog to assuage the pain. if she had been between boyfriends that fateful semester, you would never have known me. at least not here. countless times around in my head, which my lab-coat says is unhealthy. read all about it on my instagram, the story with the "Pirate Booty" title and the strategically-placed one-of-its-kind-all-online rare photo.

3. you can only indulge in one of the following sex acts for the rest of your life, which would you choose to enjoy? a) oral sex, giving only b) 69 c) oral sex, receiving only d) mutual masturbation

look at that 69. look at the harmonious contours of that symbol. 69 is the universal symbol of International Denuclearization

4. with each lover do you pay attention to what they want or do you have a repertoire that you stick to when having sex? as a failed actor i wince when i see repertoire in print. if only i had joined a repertoire and gone on circus adventures at the space zoo. they can do whatever they want to me as long as i can cum down their throat that's my only stipulation......................you know now that i read this what i just wrote in black-and-white type i can see how aggressive, arrogant, and demanding that was. y'know what, just do whatever, i don't care anymore. my mother taught me never to be the haughty hottie.

5. do you initiate sex for healthy benefits eg to sleep better or relieve pain? earlier this morning something happened to me that can never be taken back. btw i have three separate blood bites in my beard it's a good thing i didn't shave. bleeding in three places like the illuminati dog. i now have a permanent scar below my right eye i wear forever like a sad marked pirate. i am blessed to still be able to see. no eyepatch. so yes, masturbation! masturbation is healthy, that's what i've always been trying to convince myself of. see? it's true. i just want to go to sleep all day and hopefully my pain will subside and i'll realize out of my good eye that it was all a nightmare i've been living all this time...

bonus: do you understand the clitoris? only inasmuch as those two dudes from Y Tu Mama Tambien. i want to be hombres so bad. i consider that film the greatest road movie ever. it's not the greatest Mexican road movie ever it's the greatest Mexican movie ever because it paved the way for me to check out the then-painfully-and-unjustly-obscure Reygadas by the side of the road. he was hitching a ride to the sea. this has nothing to do with Harleys. i always think it's Salma Hayek as the woman but it's Maribel Verdu. i know it's not Sofia Vergara, can't be. Maribel is a WOman. there are women and then there are women of the earth and experience, of the red Aztec sand in their bosom and suffering embedded like glass in their feet between their toes. who don't need to wear girly toerings to show off. she teaches us boys big on bravado as our machismo melts away dripping off community-pool diving boards that the correct method is not to plunge our dicks directly into the center there and that's it. we are to work the edges, massage the margins, tongue the tender bits, spit the seasoned servant of notes, deliverer of evil. to lick around the flower of a woman like folding the petals of a large rose into the envelope edges of a love letter. it's not about sex at all, it's about sapience.

blessings, my babies, always count your countless blessings

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