TMIT: HIITMAN

1. pilates or HIIT? why? pilates sounds weird to me, it always has. when i sound out this word i see in my head images of pirates, pirates using their cutlass swords as piledrivers to hew the rocky coast. i see their parrots scowling in disgust as the pirates proceed to place the pieces of rock which could not be chopped into their mouths and mashed with their gold teeth into smooth shaped stone. classic gentlemen rockeaters. oh, no hitmen for me, i detest violence of any sort.

2. spouse or significant other-lover? they're the same thing. we have an active role-play life.

3. go clubbing or entertain friends at home? they say the oldest age you can go clubbing is 37...

4. Maybach sedan or Mercedes G-class SUV? bus

5. soccer or golf? soccer. golf is boring. soccer has biting. golf has Jordan. not Michael. Jordan should have gotten up in front of those bank of mics yesterday and said, "hell yeah i took 20 minutes to hit that shot, i'm Jordan Motherfucking Spieth!"

6. basketball or baseball? regular-season baseball is in a word, Hell. i'll only watch basketball if LeBron joins the Warriors...

7. Monster or Red Bull? why? COS OF THIS CONTROVERSIAL COMMERCIAL, CLICK HERE

8. office with a view or work at home? office. the only view i have at home is of my perv next-door neighbor who is also my dentist.

9. early bird or night owl? one word: Denny's.

10. boyfriend or girlfriend? i wish i were one of those oily gladiators from Ancient Rome who took female and male lovers without batting an eyelash, where it was actually considered strange for an emperor to ONLY have female consorts. but alas i am no soldier, i am but boring and hetero.

11. ice cream or gelato? gelato. i'm in the throes of the brilliant Blue Jacket Lupin series set in Italy on Toonami that no one watches but everyone agrees is critically acclaimed.

12. silver or gold? drinking silver cures depression or something, right?

bonus: money or fame? why? mo' money, mo' problems. at least you can use your fame for good. if i touch one person, ONE person through this blog, all the decades of endlessly typing on this board were worth it. the skipping meals, the lonely Friday nights, the getting called into my dentist's office at midnight cos it's the only time he has free till he goes on vacation. at least his office has a view of the moon...

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