Friday, July 14, 2017



* * night sky with stars emoji* emojis have ruined art. quick, get me to that Van Gogh of the Joker before it's too late for me.

* two giant tits underwater, man and boy emerge. dripping with symbolism.

* we come into this world needing others. except Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash didn't need a damn body.

* it's not braver to go it alone, it's easier.

* still waiting for Star Trek to be real...............i'll even take Star Wars at this point...

* that's either a droplet or a nutsac

* how many tries does it take to screw in a lightbulb? seriously i'd like to know. i've never done it. too complicated. that damn bulb breaks and bleeds into the cotton and you're left with exposed glass shards and wires that just hang there, mocking you. if i turn on the switch i'd get electrocuted so i conduct my business in darkness. not to mention i'm always deathly afraid of falling off that wobbly stepladder highchair.

* your independence wasn't free. so feel free to reject it.

* hide-and-go-seek. just don't hide in that giant nest.

* sister: i cut myself in the woods.
brother: i think it's time for the talk.

* dad: son, this is a chain-link. for a bike. never EVER answer an email chain-link.

* me: wow, look at the Aurora Borealis!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: no, that's a ring of green pollution around the Earth.

* our time here can be deep beyond measure, as long as you have kids.

* granddaughter: okay, Grandpa, so that's how you screw on a lightbulb.
Grandpa: what's light? i'm really old.

* me: i choose interdependence.
internet: filthy UN globalist. so you're saying you like paying more for gas?
me: but i'm an anarchist.
internet: name one punk band.
me: Green Day?

* Neil deGrasse Tyson: look at our beautiful sun! day the sun will explode.

* backpacking girl: MOMMA! I'M HOME! i'm back from my European hostel. it was terrible, they forced me to join their G20 cult.
mother: who are you? we have no kids.


happy weekend, my babies! go Roger Fed! i've always liked the cut of that man's meat.

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