TMIT: YOU, ME, AND BABY MAKES 4. I'M MAJOR ENGLISH OF THE FAMILY IN THE ROYAL-BLUE HUT NEXT DOOR.

1. tell us about you in ten words or less: sorry i'm late, i was knighted by the Round Table...Pizza...see, if it wasn't eleven words, you'd have a whole other impression of me.

2. what radio stations do you have programmed and regularly listen to (format, genre)?: radio? is that the troll that lives in my ipad mini that provides me with Bieber when i ask for Bach, Sebastian Bach? that's not nice, he's more of a lovable gnome now that he understands that with me, it's all or nothing, it's KBT or bust, Kurt Bieber Trent or bust...Kurt Billy Trent or bust.

3. what color are your eyes today?: same as always, dark brown...but if you really look closely, they're actually black 'cause they're mini-black holes. i don't just see you or see through you, i see your soul from infinite dimensions. the eyes are the windows to Stephen Hawking's eyes. Stephen Hawking says there's no Heaven...

4. did you shave today?: just the pubes

5. what's your personality?: just the pubes

6. tell us two things that most people mention they like about you: when i disappear...and when i'm not around...parties flow more easily.

7. tell us one thing you really like about yourself: i like myself best when i'm eating cold pizza alone in my room, that's when i'm brimming at full capacity with tortured-poet powers. i love animals, pizza preferably hot, and moonlit walks on the beach...

bonus: how old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?: LOVE this question, this was my college Existentialism Class final thesis. this isn't a hypothetical, i live this. no matter how old i get, i will always be a 12-year-old boy in spirit, lovin' the simple things: Zelda, my math homework, and the knowledge that i have a future as long as i marry a Royal.

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