SSS: THE LAST CARD GAME, PART 2: RESULT

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click above for #2 of 4.



after a bonemeal sandwich and a tankard of ale...

"i don't want to play anymore."

"come on, it's not like you have anywhere to be."

"bowling alley? date?...no, you're right, i never have anywhere to be."

"if nothing else, it's a distraction. what's the cardinal rule in Existentialism? keep busy, as long as you're busy, your mind won't have the time to wander and realize existence is meaningless and comes only from the exister."

"i know, old hat, alright, my gullet is satiated-"

"you could have just said you were full. no need to get pretentious."

"why not?"

"pretentious leads to fancy, fancy leads to pompous, which leads to arrogant, and when you're arrogant, you stop, and you can never stop in this life, even after death."

"you're just mad that you flunked high-school Vocab...okay, i'm choosing a card and lo and behold, it's an actual playing card, not a voodoo magic hex card, it's the Suicide King, the King of Hearts. how very standard of you."

"y'know, the king isn't really killing himself with his sword, he just has his hand gripping his blade awkwardly at the back of his head away from view of the camera, or the painter."

"well, like you say, Man will see what he wants to see in order to get whatever task he needs to get accomplished done, whatever thought fits into his moral worldview at the time he'll grasp at..."

"...you're learning, grasshopper. most importantly, whatever makes him feel good he'll gravitate towards, art is never for art's sake, one will relate to a piece of art if he makes it his own. a pimply Magic-Card player with braces and no prom date sees the suicide in the king, while a certified Medievalist who's getting anal every night clearly sees a king merely showing off his sword in a funky way. the king must be getting anal, like him, and is happy."

"Guy, you're very timely with this card, i bet you had this all planned for me to choose this one right after the Royal Birth."

"language. fuck and shit i can abide, but no more sarcasm and snarky, it's so played-out and hipster. but you're right, this signifies the Royal Family. let's frame these three cards in the ultimate result."

"result?"

"yes, like when you think of the Royal Family now, what is the ultimate result of them? are they successful in their mission? did they do it? did they make it? do they justify their existence?"

"why can't you just live, why must one justify anything to breathe? well, during the '90s they were at a low point, during the grunge era, looking back, i guess everything was cloaked in the veil of dark and gloomy plaid. nowadays they're more popular than ever, that's what CNN says. CNN also informs me that it's the first time there are three living heirs to the Throne in whatever the date was. their mission? they have boatloads of money and serve forever, they never have a day off unless it's paternity leave. i'd say they're doing their thing."

"good, very good, lock that away for later. next card-"

"good, very good, you're speeding this along, i-"

"why are you always in such a rush? i mean, seriously, why are you racing to your death? i'd advise you to smell the roses, but i'm sure you'd make fun of me or say you were allergic to roses-"

"actually, i always thought i was allergic to roses, until one time i just stopped typing and went outside and actually smelled a rose...and i wasn't after all, i got this wrong idea that festered in my head that i was. made me think about all the other stuff i missed out on 'cause i thought certain things were true and in stone but weren't at all. i could have presented a rose to my nonexistent prom date. lesson learned there, Guy, without you."

"this time you made me chuckle. stone, good one, prescient."

"what? is the next card gonna be a tombstone, another death thing? you really must be more subtle with the analogies and hooks. or a rose?"

"yep, a rose, you guessed it, i never said you weren't clever as all get out. but look at the caption under that beautiful big blue rose."

"it reads: Rose, Original Yet Not. Will Your Music Be This Rose or A Rose? okay, very cryptic and convoluted."

"it's about art, you, and your legacy. you will die, we all do, except me. you're living right now at this moment. what art will you leave behind to prove you were here, that you lived and experienced and wrote down your experiences for others? will you say or do anything that hasn't already been said in thousands of iterations before? what ideas and themes of yours are original, truly original? will you be the rose that stands out from among the other roses, the blue in the sea of red?"

"that's a tough one for me, that cuts deep. whenever i see a cool film trailer on youtube or read an excerpt from the latest fiction bestseller on amazon, i get jealous, that should have been me saying that, composing that song, raking in the dough. hell, there are times when i swear i feel that these other authors have stolen my ideas from under me, they get away with it 'cause they have the resources and support system of people to get out there and lecture all over the world while i'm chained to my basement computer."

"you need better results, my friend. you can compete with any of these jokers on the literary stage who are getting the Nobel Prizes and the backstage blowjobs. you mentioned something about a band and songs?"

"yeah, well, i always have a song riff in my head ready to get recorded, but when the time comes to remember it, i always forget that sequence of notes that could have become the next "Cherub Rock." right now in fact, i'm humming something, it's good, it's very musical, very rock 'n' roll, it's a nice hard slice of bass and guitar that's blowing me away, it's a sweet pattern-"

"does it sound anything like THIS? CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK."

"no, it's similar, but quieter, more like an intimate soul-searching song Billy would write than a stadium anthem...then again, i could just be recalling the Honda commercial jingle i just watched on tv. see? i fucking hate that. i never know what's original and what's a rip-off, and then while i'm trying to remember the beat, another beat already established and used in an ad messes up my thought patterns. can you help me? i really do need better results."

"that's why i'm here. and finally..."

"i'm choosing, i'll go surprise on you and take the bottom card of the deck. oh, it's a cute little kitty. thanks, i needed that. i hate that on youtube, y'know? most of the comments when there's a vid of a kitty say, "was having a bad day, this vid cheered me up." i mean, is everyone on youtube eternally depressed? is there no one online who's happy?"

"of course not, they're online, if they were happy, they wouldn't need a computer, they'd simply live their lives computerless with their loved ones. their loved ones recording their actual, real-life experiences would be satisfying enough for all involved, there would be no need to type something on a board and have strangers read it to justify and validate a life."

"there's that justifying again, but you're really teaching me something this time, i'll make sure Satan puts a little something extra in your paycheck this month."

"very funny. pick a card, any card, hurry up, Death awaits."

"i did, remember, the cat. well, this is good news for once, i love my cat, i'm an animal lover, i don't have to justify that, i am what i am, and i'm proud."

"good for you......Freud said that people who intensely love their pets are avoiding real intimacy with other humans. pets become an easy replacement for human love, pets unconditionally love you 'cause you feed them everyday, they won't fight back or threaten to leave the house like humans with their own separate brains and motivations and causes will. it's hard to be in a human relationship, it's constant give and take, your partner is as passionate as you are, you won't win every argument. with pets it's more one-sided, more master/servant."

"y'know...honestly...i can't disagree with any of that, i really can't, though i don't treat my cat like a servant, if anything he's the master, he destroys all the stuffing from my couches with his claws, he bites when he's mad or when you come near his jungle-gym house, he eats and drinks when he wants, not at 12 Noon like his human "master" does, so it's a role-reversal."

"fair enough...but what is the ultimate result of this?"

"i'm alone on a Saturday night, i have no human friends, i will end up a gray, old male cat-lady..."

"okay, just so you know the deal, the truth of it."

"i do, but on this one, i'm putting my paw down. it's not about results here, it's about a grown man's love for his cat, it's a little piece of unconditionality that i gladly accept and nurture, just like in Twilight, a little piece of forever, a small patch of land in eternity-"

"why'd you have to end it with Twilight? *sigh* dinner?"

"sure, but how about the soup this time, bonemeal sucks.........oh wait, i have to go blog something."

"language, remember?"

TO BE CONTINUED...




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