TMIT: YES, YES, OLDER SELF, BUT DID YOU CUM?

1. what one part of your sex life today would most surprise the younger 17-year-old self you? that it's practically nonexistent. i was your typical youth boy, dreaming of becoming a fireman and fucking all the babes in the world. after my fireman duties were over, i'd take off my brown fireman pants, fold them neatly in a corner by the dalmatian, don my Chris Columbus pimp tricorn hat, get on a boat built with strong plank wood, and travel the seas in search of the fabled Iceland Babes, the ones who never quit. dreams, they fuel. life, it destroys.

2. what one thing might shock that younger you? blogs, the whole concept of blogs and the temperaments and psychological makeup of those who blog. books are being written on my case...by me, but i'd let my younger self help with the writing...talk about a time-travel mindfuck, the younger me is analyzing the older me and taking notes on my depression in order to avoid his future depression, it's better than another paid hour session with the shrink, the clue i give my younger self, of course, is a certain blonde in drama class...not that i'm obsessed with this period in my life or anything.

3. what part of the younger you do you look back on as the older you with a great big nostalgia arrow through the heart? this is some Doctor Who shit, i love all this time-travel stuff, the impossibility, the nullification of Heaven if time-travel were to truly be achieved, Fry from Futurama as both Fry and Fry's grandfather, i can talk about this and theorize for days, weeks if i have my energy bars. sexually, though, it goes back to the innocence of it all, the holding of hands, the blushing, real love, before cum, clit juice, and a mortgage get in the way.

4. is there anything in the younger you's sexual fantasties/ambitions you have left to fulfill? try everything, everything on the list, the sexual bucket list, i despise bucket lists, you can't quantify life into a checklist because life doesn't finish when you finish. so unless it's an Eternal List (wink wink), i'm not down. now sexual bucket lists are another matter, they're hot: mine includes stuff like doing it on the roof of a cramped Manhattan hipster lodge, sliding in a quarter into the local gumball dispenser slot and spitting out a clear plastic bubble container (remember those?) not with gum or a stamp inside, but with a love note inside, going to get an Archie comic but leaving with a Tijuana Bible instead after the dark hippie at the counter bullies me into the purchase, and of course everyone's fantasy: kissing in church.

bonus: give your 17-year-old self sex advice: when i was seventeen, it was a very good year, it was the last year i knew who i was...the years which follow will be more with your hand than with a dame...turn back now, your adult life will be lame...but you still have your writing, it's the only thing left...do not cry, do not be bereft...it's just the way it is, stiff upper lip, here comes the lid...this song of mine got to #1 in the Philippines charts, no joke

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