PAULA COLE (AND SARAH MCLACHLAN) ARE AWESOME

1. tell us something weird about yourself:

i'm normal. but i'm not a normie.

2. if you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be and why?

Lilith Fair. i miss that show so much. never went, just saw it on MTV News with Tabitha Soren wearing her flower-garland wreath on her head at her location assignment and it seemed like so much FUN!!! Tabitha, get it? it seemed like it was around forever but it actually was quite the rare feat. there will never be anything like it. it was the Women's Movement sure, but that particular NINETIES Women's-Movement brand of vim, vigor, and Morissette. '90s women were the peak, you will never top '90s women and their paint-smocks over their jeans. THIS is where liberated braless women created WICCA!!! as a man i'm drawn to these secret stained-glass societies where i'm not allowed, i learn so much emotional intelligence when i'm encircled inside their coven. i LOVE strong women! i want to be DOMINATED by strong women! sexually and just life-wise. if i can just sip at the Burning Woman magic on that stage, a few wisps and pixie-wings fall to my tongue, i will transform into a new being. i will go topless the rest of my life, wear only pirate shorts, and sport a dreamcatcher tat along my spine.

3. what can someone do to make you feel more loved?

PLAY THIS IN THE BACKGROUND WHILST WE FUCK, CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK

and then afterwards our cigarettes are Skippy peanut-butter sandwiches at Central Perk

4. what are 2 good qualities which first drew you to your current or last significant other?

we watch The Current War together, sneaking into the back of the cineplex theatre not paying for our tickets. like Edison would have done. and then we role-play with her as Tesla inside the popcorn machine in the lobby checking its sparkplugs.

and she MUST have a jones for buttered popcorn.

5. what 2 qualities in your significant other (current or last) can send you running far far away from them?

to the hills? not The Hills.

a) any serious declaration that '80s movies sucked. i mean come on, The Goonies is a good film...

b) any serious consideration given to her eating unbuttered popcorn

BONUS: what does your partner miss about you the most when you two are apart?

square eggs. that used to be our thing. i'd mail them to her, some on her birthday, the rest on Valentine's. but now with the current state of the world that can't happen anymore...

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