Friday, October 11, 2019



* these are your just forgot when your kids were young...

* hey Apple Watch, where are the non-annoying silent alarms?......

* the new tv screens look like laundry screens

* everything is dark due to the PG&E Power Outage. hey it's better than a brush fire, right?

* big brother: oh shit, The Pink Panther's tryna get into my bathroom! the Paw is forcing his way past my door barricade! i got a date in a hour with my teacher!~

* sister: Diego, we have to go!
brother: fuck that, sis! i ain't going!
sister: Madre!!! come on, Diego, you have the map! give me the fucking map!
brother: get this monkey and this fucking fox out of the room!

* a row of urns on top of the counter...

* sisters: shut up! shut up! we tryna brush all our teeths with one toothbrush!
brother drummer: use the dinosaur tooth to clog up the drain as you learn the numbers of cave men! i'm trying to drum here! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF DRUM!!!

* brushed their teeth so hard and mad the entire glass shower pane is streaked with their spit

* good to see Demi Lovato back on her feet

* mom: hey why am i putting a red soccer shirt on you? there's no soccer in America.
son: i want to be Wayne Rooney with the birds when i grow up.
mom: and why is your hair red?

* our forefathers lied...

* dad brings out omelettes in a copper pan to the trailer counter lit underneath by a heat lamp.
family: dad, the Copper Age was ages ago!
dad: this is Gotham Copper. so Non-Stick your mother's still in bed...

* baby boy: i'm the first man ever to cry over spilled orange juice.

* dog picks up food item with his jowls.
dog: JICAMA!!? fuck me.

* hey. don't make fun of the girl wearing the pink shawl over her head. it's cold out...

* older brother in baseball uniform boxes younger brother down to the shag carpeting.
brother: stop! i'm watching boxing on tv.

* two girls wrestle over the controller on the upstairs shag carpeting.
mom: stop! it's just the NeoGeo controller! it's not even a joystick!

* uncle: i fucking tripped over the soccer balls on the stairs and broke my hip! that god-damn rail stairlift gadget thing broke in a cloud of black smoke!
cousins: sorry, gramps.
uncle: you only need ONE fucking ball!

* older sister: what's in the gym bag?
niece: my laundry from college.

* Victor + Valentino in real life!

* dad snatches controller from ginger son.
dad: stop, son! you keep playing video games you'll end up bald like me!

* hey, don't use the red flag for the Red Flag Warning as your soccer-ball bag

* mom: what time is it? i'm not used to it getting so dark so early. i'm still wearing my Big Bird pajamas.

* kids load up into the carpool.
kids: we're the Bag Men.
Snuffy driving steering the wheel with his tail: apt.

* wife: what's with the big white pail?
husband: second childhood, okay? stop nagging me, Mother!

* automatic back-door ain't closing fast enough! all the rainwater's getting inside the car trunk-carpet area where the baby brother sleeps!

* it's such a beautiful day. the sun is so bright our Spanish tile is catching on fire. let's stay in.

* this VW came with a Knicks decal...

* that's it, Volkswagen, end with Spanish, stick it to the Administration!


happy weekend, my babies.

TOMORROW i have to make the most painful decision i've ever had to make in my life: i have to decide between and choose one and leave the other behind for next week...IF i can wait that long...…

McRib or Brooklyn Pizza?

as much as it pains me i'm thinking the Brooklyn Pizza cos i've had the McRib before...i have the sense memory of the McRib stored in my cyberbrain…


Bathwater said...

So one of my Chinese engineers had the Johnny cash version of Hurt on repeat in his car. He loved the song. He loved a lot of american pop culture. He did not seem to like the NIN version. I didn't want to burst his bubble and tell him what the song was about. He heard it from the movie Logan.

the late phoenix said...

bath: this is more of a thought experiment of course. Trent created the song, but it seems the song only became popular---well REALLY popular---after Johnny Cash covered it. Rick + Morty did its best but the damage was already done. and there are still those out there who no matter how much you prove it to them really do believe this is Cash's original song, it's a Mandela Effect sort of thing. Cash's music video was that beautiful and stark, it was that moving. I suppose it comes down to whether you like the word "thorns" better than the word "shit"