1. any sport, any athlete, who would you want to practice with?
Bill Tilden. he could be the spitfire revolutionary we need now in tennis in 2019, opening up more avenues for openly gay athletes, openly gay male tennis players. it's no big deal for the women---it's even expected in tennis---so why not the men? we've got to get past these hangups we have as a society, people, learn to be more European.
JJ Watt. it'd go down something like this:
me: JJ Watt, you ready to face the person who has dedicated their life to taking you down? ready to meet your rival?
JJ: let's do this!
Caroline Wozniacki steps onto the field.
JJ: come on, that's not fair.
a champion cornholer from ESPN Ocho. i would need him to help me make corn, Garrison Keillor is at my barn door constantly knocking at all ungodly hours asking me to help rehabilitate his local-theatre career.
2. list the top 3 pieces of lingerie you like to see on a woman:
kinbaku: i get so mesmerized by the intricate patterns of the rope dress i forget that it's supposed to be sexy, i just see it as geometric.
babydol tennis dresses, let's bring those back, Genie Bouchard needs to kickstart her career again
Victor's Secret?: he lost the key to the boudoir, that's what started this whole mess
3. do you pick up on subtle hints? what?
4. are you seriously expecting an honest reply to "does this make me look fat"?
yes i am. in my case i'll know you're lying to me instantly cos i'm skinny as a rail. not the best foundation to build a teetering starter relationship on. admittedly this was a tough test, we were both actors and i was wearing a fatsuit at the time for a part…
5. how offended would you be if someone called your eyebrows ugly?
very, especially considering those are my eyes not my eyebrows! my eyes are up here, buster! i slept for 2 seconds last night. literally. i aced my college essay but i picked the wrong building. the test was oral, right? i'm good at oral. in my Genetics class, my prof ordered me to provide proof from my Ancestry.com that i was who i said i was. my reply: Maybelline.
BONUS: is there ever a good time to send a dick pic?
Richard Matheson, Richard Milhous Nixon, and Burton, that's it, that's the list.
Richard Burton lived at a time when you could call a man a dick with no consequence. it was a nobler, gentler time.
and Chamberlain, i like my Catholic priests to fuck.
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3 comments:
i had to google kinbaku and that's quite the aesthetic.
Haha! Loved your answer to the bonus!
les jeune: right? the Japanese do everything better
Bea: I watched The Thorn Birds in the '80s as an 8-year-old kid, all the adults around me were palpitating, I had no frickin' idea what was going on. now I REALLY want to watch The Thorn Birds again!!!
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