i'll have what Spike Lee is having...at press conferences…sipping tea...
1. what are your romantic needs? to have game like Rami Malek. THAT's how you go on a first date with a woman, that was their first date, right? you know Rami is a name which means Romance, it's in the name. i've always wanted to have eyes that others called dreamy...instead of calling my eyes blasted out of their gourds, stoned to high heaven, or weird and shifting. when i do the Rami Malek stare in auditions, they tell me i'm the perfect casting choice to play a robot…
2. what are your sexual needs? i can only achieve orgasm when i'm doing it on a roof.
3. do you agree that marriage was a pragmatic institution and in today's society traditional marriage is not a need but merely a want?
i still maintain that the best most stable relationship between two people is friends with benefits. back in the day, people were sold as other people's property. that still goes on today. in lighter news, the NFL Combine's starting soon or something, right?...
4. do you find conflict in your romantic relationships exciting? necessary. conflict is what initiates the sex. without conflict, there can be no sex. well no exciting ribald rompy syrupy saucy liquid-y fluid-y sex anyway.
5. during sex are you focused on positions or the quality and connection with your lover? quality and connection, that's all that matters, it is about love after all. in fact, my lover and i don't have sex, instead we push our beds together so they touch at the tip, then we get in separate beds and lie down like a worm until our heads are facing each other. we look at each other staringly for five hours, that's our sex.
BONUS: men, what do you have a hard time talking to your lover(s) about?
am i a man? what is masculine anyway, what does that really mean?
anyway, when it's one lover it's nice n easy. we talk about love. and Clairol. as Mark Twain says, if you don't lie then you don't have to remember. the problem comes in when it's me and lovers, plural. that's when the mess happens, and not just on the sheets.
well, when i'm talking to lovers, the conversation usually stems from the fact that i have lovers...
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2 comments:
1: Meditation pictures and sunset heart pictures with a splattering of Hell Dust and Noops admirers, pictures. That’s all I need. All that is held together by the red string.
2: Unicinno
3: When is a need not a want? Unless it nourishes you on a basic level, it is always a want. The veil needs lifting on this one.
4: Conflict is growth. Non conflict is Woodstock. Too much of that and you end up lost and resort back to conflict.
5: I’m focused on the connection to my Netflix, the position of my couch and the quality of my Dominoes pizza.
Bonus. If your man isn’t having a hard time then you’re in the friend zone.
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1. and Taco Bell, Taco Bell delivered to your couch in your house by GrubHub
2. when Howard Schultz becomes President, all the unicorns will run to another planet. and Unicinnos will be incorporated into the school lunch program...
3. I need likes. but that's probably a want.
4. Woodstock was the last time you could set your guitar on fire in all 50 states.
5. GrubHub. you like Domino's pizza? you can get Domino's points by taking a picture of ANY pizza and sending it to them. and cos pizza=sex, I assume that means nudes, too.
bonus: and "hard" time
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