Monday, December 10, 2018


i've appreciated the Stones more now that i'm an old man. always thought they were just Beatles wannabes.

The Beatles=Nirvana
the Rolling Stones=Pearl Jam
the Who=Soundgarden
Nirvana the British '60s band=Alice In Chains

shit, even that is a generation removed. i am not a millennial...

1. which do you make more of, phone calls or text messages? i only have one phone in the house, a telephone magneto. i was into X-Men long before anyone watched the '90s cartoon, before all'y'all. have you ever tried to sext on a rotary phone call? it's like Scott Van Pelt stuff cept i don't get paid handsomely to sit behind a handsome desk and be handsome and talk sports all day and throw in an Aqua Teen reference now and then. how much analysis does sports need? Tiger Woods is jealous of Scott cos Tiger can't pull off the bald look as Tiger gets older. Tiger actually requires glasses but he lasered them cos the nerd image wouldn't have been good for Tiger's image. he wants people to forget he went to Stanford.

2. before making a phone call do you rehearse what you are going to say? why? cos i want to be like that credit-card commercial. and cos i'm training to be an actor. that's the thing, never monologue out loud not in front of a mirror, people will think you're crazy. they'll think you're talking to yourself or to your imaginary friend or that you're a vampire, no one knows of the three which is worse. keep those strange thoughts which pass your stem like a night wind every so often to yourself in their root where they belong.

3. name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. eyes. ears. hair down there. oh wait, i forgot to put on my glasses…...nevermind, i'm a werewolf...

4. name three things about which you and your partner completely disagree and often causes disagreements. politics. religion. sex. i think Perot would have made a great president, i only adhere to religions with black in the title, and i only want to have sex in my furry suit. she thinks Perot was "running for President" just as a statement and never would have REALLY become President, hint hint, she thinks my religions are racist, and says sex in the furry suit damages the suit's value at auction. we love each other and agreed to be asexual magi together, that was festive.

5. 74% of new couples buy a new mattress when they begin their relationship. as you embark on a serious relationship would you require your SO to buy a new mattress or would you buy a new mattress if your SO asked you to?

can i disembark? the waters are getting choppy. i'll use our waterbed as my paddleboat canoe.

only if the mattress was blue, with fleurs-de-lis and was soaked......okay NOBODY got that reference unless you were reading my Instagram or here-blogged stories. i'll try another reference: only if it's in a long smoking pipe and PURPLE

or if it had a metal ribcage choking it and was a yellow non-stained mattress from a '70s motel and ate up all your elongated arcade tokens. magic fingers just means metal fingers, right, Logan (Wolverine)? he gives the best rolling backrubs.

bonus: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your future would you want to know? never. no. never know. watch sc-fi. and fantasy. never find out you when you're going to die. or how. never uncover your final last age. that's wikipedia wicca stuff right there. crystals should only be used on your backbone. or to make dark Muppets with one magic stitch…



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