Friday, December 7, 2018



* this is probably not the best thing to watch around Christmastime...

* Hunky Boys Ding Ding, that's what i thought the title was...see i was okay believing they were hunks just thought they were too hungry for ding-ding dinner for their own good like a pavlovian COME AND GET IT bronzed triangular dinner bell with an aspergillum to shake it with.

* this looks like the spooky start of that other Cartoon Network show pilot that didn't get picked up...

* Emo Philips, more goth than emo. you can tell from the haircut he paints.

* the problem was the bent weathervane. that's what doctors always told me would cure my depression, i just had to have my jaw realigned.

* nobody appreciates the fine art of typewriting while in a biker gang, or writing whilst dipping one's quill pen into a chandelier. Liberace was liberated, o why can't i?

* i've never died before...i'll be sure to DM you the selfies i take...

* don't look at the cameras, ruins the illusion

* why is everyone in such a hurry to die? haven't you read Sagan's assistant's letters? you ain't gonna be seeing Grandma again. as for Grandma's pussy...

* oh, hydraulics…...thought you said Hydra Headed

* it's all fun n games till someone gets an eye poked a noose

* see this is the Looney Tunesization of death, making it all seem not so serious and camp and everyone comes back for the next cartoon

* Plympton it possible for a taxidermist not to be creepy?...they say what we're all looking for in a sexual mate is the opposite-sex version of ourself

* maybe we shouldn't have built this house on the foundation of a single rope.
God: no, that was brilliant, it forced you three magi to work together whether you hated each other or not. who says you die alone?

* this is no time to work out

* your eyes actually do bug out like that

* life

* remember the days when game shows weren't sinister?

* this game not an invitation for a four-square foursome

* Transylvania has the strictest gun laws on this side of earth for obvious reasons

* the tv studio is conveniently located next to our shack out in the middle of nowhere on a hill where it eternally rains and the lightning (like the stars) is so close you can touch it with your nose

* i'm a librarian and this blindfold was for our Fifty Shades In Fifty States promotional tour where we went around rest homes getting our senior citizens to read more.

* just looking for my true Sid

* Emo: this is the type of poetry only those with a high IQ would get. you know, like Rick and Morty viewers.

* if you take out all the philias and phobias, it really is quite the romantic love story

* we've been through this, Total Recall II would never work. don't you recall?

* that was sublime ventriloquism, even if the camera panned down

* think of me as Bart Simpson when he first burst onto the scene with that skateboard

* who is spraypainting all these Broadway backstages? Banksy?

* there is only Hologram Happiness

* love the lie...
God: this guy gets it.

* i have it on personal authoroity that Chaucer HATED the lute

* good seeing John Goodman getting work after Roseanne

* Chaucer actually came up with the phrase "what's your damage?" but no one noticed

* this is what youtube stage directors don't understand

* delayed reaction to the penis...

* so we needed Hitler to get Einstein? why is life so profoundly and prodigiously cruel?

* Bart: wait, is the man me or the woman me the real me?
God: both.

* it's a traditional Heathcliff Roger Rabbit candlelight dinner over a trashcan lid

* love hurts.
Bieber: i swatted you guys...for real.

* kissing yourself is like kissing your cousin. OH it's the Outkast Kiss where a kiss on the lips instantly makes the woman pregnant! i always loved that alternative take on life, nice and clean, fresh and clean even, less messy without all that sex messiness, very sci-fi fantasy human evolution.

* never trust a man with a potted plant as a hat.
Stevie Nicks: what can i say? i'm a gypsy, i need to be free.

* that saw makes me sad

* the lightning-round of every game show is rigged, you know that, right?

* fuck you maggot hearse Hava Nagila garam masal paint your wagon identical interests: i always trust the black guy in these situations

* Paint Your Wagon was when Clint Eastwood started to get angry...

* we're all God's doll parts, right, Courtney Love?

* woman: the devil tricked me! i had too much freedom! i choose the Pokémon Movie! but what if my brother is my soul mate? okay i'll go to Hell, but that humidity is gonna be hell on my already-frizzy hair.

* well at least we get to see three babes before our pants are pulled down to our humiliation.

* Jesus was lonely like the rest of us so he started a band...

* priest: it's not polygamy if it's sanctioned by the Catholic Church. marriage is a sin, i can say that as long as i keep this white collar on.

* we need our guns, we don't have drums…


happy weekend, my babies! this weekend we're a Bacon Maple Chicken sandwich family at Wendys. what's your favorite holiday sandwich?

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