CRONES: PAUSE FOR PADDINGTON (III)

Doryce: while you were away i had to occupy myself. it's getting harder and harder for me to be truly entertained. i took in a film at our local indie grindhouse theatre, No Hope Barn. it's steps away and still uses reel and tape. they tape up the reel with tape. and none of those bombastic speakers which fill your ear canals with blood. Paddington 2. seniors' discount. i got in for free, god bless Rated G! the movie was broken of course it was too summer-hot for the reel to reel so instead we got an impromptu presentation from a nice young lady on stage. she was skinny and freshfaced and pretty and carried with her an ominous-looking circle of wood which she used as her talking stick. natural microphone, i was quite fascinated. drawn and mesmerized. that was the first lecture i ever sat through, i should have gone to college, it would have been easy, i'm too scared. the young lady had just waded into the waters of acting waiting for her chance:

Auverin: being an actress is wild. it's like you're not human. you're an angel on red carpets, with one toe on the carpet and one foot in heaven. you don't lead a normal life and you never will. you are in a bubble of handlers and greeters and smilers. your job is to act but your life is an act. the Hollywood life is like you're standing on an ephemeral cloud, floating just above every normal one else who live real lives on the street. you're already in heaven. stop me if you've heard this before. i'm glad i took that audition. i think.

Doryce: do you mind if i eat while you talk? snuck in some goodies. i opened yet another unopened box of cat treats i never knew i had. they're bones of course.

Foles: that's why you have to take your shot. like me, i took my one and only shot. that's how you have to live life, like if this is always your one and only shot. sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. you gotta know when to fold 'em. and know when to be Foles.

Doryce: i like you, Foles. you seem precious. and you're skinny. do you know how you know a girl thinks she's hot? she wears black nailpolish.

Foles: do you know how the guys and i prepared? we saw a group movie before the Big Game, the one about how a band of brothers, cops, became a ring of crazy gun-toting thieves. Den of Thieves. really bonded us together.

Doryce: that's horrible. how is that supposed to inspire? although that one Pablo guy does look like Reali. you fellas should have seen Paddington 2. i think you have to see the first movie or you'll be completely lost. you needed to see Peter Rabbit. these are the movies which make you better, teach you how to live life. the Paddington Principle. niceness, gentleness, respect, wonder.

Foles: let the fur fly. i'm here on behalf of Disney. the Animal Tour.

Doryce: so there was that. and i fucked Bama. he was so bored with his classes i got him out of a lecture using his watch device thingie and a nurse's excuse. we should go to Stanford!

before they can blink, the two ladies are there, on top of the tallest tier of the lecture hall, Doryce shooting spitballs through a cafeteria straw landing them on Bama's hair. Bama swats at it like a fly and keeps sleeping in his book. the chalkboards get stuck together trying to slide past each other and the professor has to cancel class. for longer office hours.

Doryce: "longer office hours"? i know what that means.

Bama: come on, guys, he's cool. he has long hair on his chin. i'm his assistant. i also volunteer at the volleyball store for my job.

Doryce: nice red sweater. volleyball store? i always want your head to be a volleyball, not a mop.

Bama: let's go back to my dorm, i'll give you a tour of my room.

Doryce: wait.

Doryce takes out a pocket scissors from her front pocket and clips Bama's bangs.

Doryce: perfect.

Bama: i wanted to go to the barber's. i need to talk. i need friends.

Doryce: we can only be us.

at the dorm, Doryce is talking to Bama by phone in the neighboring dorm room.

Doryce: don't you hate those girls who rent a room and then are never there? where are they all the time? what a waste. can we come over now? hon you don't need to do that.

Gladyce is putting her ear against a tin can against the wall.

Gladyce: why didn't you save me?

Bama: sorry, ma'am, i forgot. i realized that day was my last day for registration. i'm training to be a lifeguard.

Doryce: well bless your little heart. let's grindhouse before you're any less cute than you are now.

afterwards, the two birds are walking gingerly on one foot to the campus bus stop.

Doryce: we should have gone to college, Gladyce. i noticed you were tired throughout.

Gladyce: it's okay, Doryce, you're the one who enjoys all the maneuvering and positioning.

Doryce: of body parts, yes.

Gladyce: was it drafty for you?

Doryce: that's how it's supposed to be, dear.

Gladyce: well i did enjoy that one flyer. swimming class. i'm sure the Camus Campus Pool is vastly superior.

Gladyce drops to her knees in a thud.

Doryce: get up, dear, the bus man won't see us.

Gladyce begins crying profusely though her eyes. all the water of the campus pool drains out of the pool and out of Gladyce's two soggy wrinkly eyes.