THERE IS NO SWOON

Valentine's Day learned:

* did you know that Baby New Year is related to Cupid? that's not true but it sounds like something that could be true.

* Venus, Cupid's mother: hey! what are you doing with those sharp arrows?! you could hurt yourself. gimme those! *confiscates Cupid's quiver*
Cupid (crying): WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH stop treating me like a baby!!!

learned:

* now THAT's commitment.

* the man puts out the fire in the fireplace.
man: what? you said you wanted to be with a fireman.

* the man takes a red bracelet box out his ass.
man: what's this?
woman: i don't know.
man: i don't know either.

* woman: how'd you know?
man: i listen.
woman: what's my name?
man: what?

* man: let's see if it fits.
woman: *tries on the spoon* it doesn't fit.
man: you must acquit...............sorry, that's back in the air again.

* woman: what are all the red pieces in this cake?
man: blood.

* woman (on the phone): mom? he got me a spoon!
man: sorry i slept with your mom.

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

learned:

* if one or both of you are furries, this is a very different experience.

* we endorse Bernie Sanders not cos he's from Vermont. we endorse Bernie Sanders cos we demand revolution.

* 4 1/2 inches, i mean, feet

* narrator: guys, face it, flowers die.
goth couple: dead flowers are romantic.

* narrator: chocolates get stale...
Phoenix: my penis is shaped like an unwrapped Toblerone.

* narrator: guys, she's gonna ask you if she's fat. you do not want to go there. instead, just say that she's not as big as the teddy bear.

* woman: the teddy bear and i are eloping.
man: announced elopements lose a bit of their power. what happened? i thought we had something.
woman: thank you for the teddy bear, honey. when you weren't around, i spooned with the teddy bear and thought of the teddy bear, not you. i am sorry but i'm leaving you. the teddy bear and i are running away together.
teddy bear: do i get a say in all this?

* woman: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! honey, i told you i was ursaphobic!!!
man: i thought you said nymphomanic.

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

have a sticky weekend. i love you all.