MARK TWAIN

learned:

* Happy St. Paddy's Day!

* narrator: got your rabbit's foot?
Vault Boy: no. bye.

* narrator: life is fragile.
Vault Boy: in the postapocalyptic world?
narrator: in general. it's a coin flip. go ask Harvey Dent. or Alice.
Vault Boy: in my case, the coin never flipped.

* narrator: luck is a mystery.
Vault Boy: no, it actually makes total sense in this random universe.

* Vault Boy shoots the giant fly in the eye. no effect.
narrator: didn't your mother tell you you catch more flies with honey than bullets?
Vault Boy: is Lady Luck my mom?

* Vault Boy: the magic bullet theory. makes total sense now.

* Vault Boy: oh my glob! i got a shitton of bottlecaps! what are they worth?!
narrator: whatever Alan Greenspan says they're worth.

* a handsome desperado in a cowboy hat and duster valiantly saves Vault Boy's life with his gun.
narrator: well that was lucky.
Vault Boy: not really. that was my father. we're estranged. as you can see, he left again.

* narrator: your misfortune can become someone else's fortune.
Vault Boy: i'm happy for her........................................is she hot?

* narrator: Vault Boy! the black cat! it crossed your path!
Vault Boy: no, i crossed ITS path. it hissed and ran away like a cat out of hell.

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happy Oscars (copyright encircled c)