FINALLY, SOME NEW SPORTS ARE BEING CREATED

CLICK HERE FOR TEH NEW




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MUSIC MONDAYS: THE HANDSOME HAVE NO PROBLEMS

FIRST, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE




memories: i got to the Smiths late like with most things, but when i finally did discover them in college, it was like the discovery of america...by the vikings. i couldn't believe i had slept on them for so long. this beautifully simple, elegant, yet so poignant music had eluded me, and i was angry, so angry i wore my hair like morrissey for a week and sipped fuel from the nearest gothic coffee shop. i have yet to meet a band that so captures the feeling of wanting to meet someone special, longing for love, yearning to escape your poor surroundings and fly away to a life of excitement, hope, sex, and meaning.

feelings: i remember fondly one night when i had nothing to do, i turned off all the lights in my room, popped in THE BEST OF THE SMITHS in the cd player, lay down on the floor with my eyes closed, and proceeded to veg out on each track of the album, one by one, each song its own masterpiece. afterwards, having missed both breakfast and lunch, i was fucking hungry, so i made my way down to the kitchen for an early dinner, except...now i was sad, i was forever sad, so i just had some sad eggs 'cause i lost all sense of time and place, forever locked into my own self-misery and morrissey's plaintive wails about life and lost love

structure: this tune has a snappy beat, nice bass line, and you can't help but move your shoulders up and down awkwardly as you listen to it...it will cause you to buy a couple extra cans of hair spray on your next grocery visit to do your 'do like morrissey, i'm tellin' ya

final: listen to this song, watch this song with me, fling around some yellow flowers, won't you? won't you next time i visit strewn out some dead and live flowers all over your floors to welcome me in, me, the emo king, doomed from the start, longing for love and attention?! just a note, i prefer the dead flowers...




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IMAGEMAKERS: DON'T TOUCH ME IN MY DANGER ZONE...

....as STUART from MAD TV (TOP PIC) would say

last night's theme: danger

HAPPY SUSHI: the dude was just blessed that his table was uneven, the matches were there when they were, and he managed to stay low when the knife struck. as a general rule of life, it's always best to stay low, stay down, investigate from the ground, and see things from the floor up

CAREFUL WITH THAT AXE: boy chopping wood, boy chopping wood with a very large axe, oh no, boy decides to rest his tired bare foot on the open tree stump where all the wood-chopping is taking place...the injury comes, but it's not the injury one expects

THE ONE LAST TIME: (BOTTOM PIC) you know this trope, one last bank robbery, one last time, and finally the group will be done with all the crime and retire...except there are two other groups who had the same idea to rob the same bank at the same time. the first group is masked in WIZARD OF OZ characters, the second group dons superhero masks like Wolverine, and the third group arrives late in their car wearing STAR WARS masks. when the Darth Vader of that last group saunters into the bank and sees the two other groups already there...a fire fight

PARK: my favorite from last night, a nice black-and-white study of four people intermingled forever from certain circumstances and happenings. won't give too much away, but there's a drowning of heightened pathos when considering the prejudices of the other characters formed previously. my favorite scene is a black man who wants to help following behind a white woman who is crying for anyone to rescue her son from the pond, and a cop glances at just a time to see a black man running after a white woman, and thus the cop immediately thinks his first thought and jumps into action stopping the black man, handcuffing him before the black man can hurt the white woman...a misunderstanding tinged with racism that eventually turns tragic

1. dangerous bad boy (girl) or fine, upstanding man (woman)?

2. the wizard of oz or STAR WARS?

3. saturday night live or MAD TV?




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HELL GIRL

i'm currently in the middle of the second season of watching the anime HELL GIRL, a fantastic offering that all of you should see immediately. now after awhile, the episodes do get repetitive and formulaic, but the initial concept of this story is beautiful, frightening, and cool.

here goes: in this world, there exists HELL GIRL, bottom pic. you access her through your computer, i guess that was another reason i picked up on this series, relateability and the computer culture, right? so, at precisely midnight, you can access the Hell Link if you know the secret url. the screen that comes up lets you enter a person's name, any person you want, and it guarantees that "i will release your hatred". you can send any person to Hell, but only if Hell Girl deems that your intentions are real and your hatred is pure, true, and fierce, it must come from a place deep within you, from, say, years and years of psychological abuse, you can't just wish someone away on a whim because he cut you off on the road that one time. Hell Girl has three aides with her, an old man who turns into a flaming wheel that carries Enma Ai the Hell Girl to her destinations. there is as well a beautiful, buxom woman (my favorite character for some reason), a former geisha. also, there's a man who is the personification of the soul of a sword that saw many battles, took many lives, and is stained with that blood. in the second season, a new aide appears, an annoying little girl who bothers the other four and seems to have an arrogant attitude about life and death. never give youth too much knowledge, huh?

ah, but there's a catch, there's ALWAYS a catch, folks. when you call upon Enma, she gives you a straw doll, TOP PIC, with a red string on it. simply pull the red string from out the doll, and the person you specified will disappear off the face of the Earth and enter Hell forever. check out some of the ingenious ways those damned to Hell are sent, from a woman who loves the hot springs being burned in hot springs water so hot it turns to fire, to a man who refuses to accept the child his ex-girlfriend is carrying is his being forced to himself give birth to a demon baby. the thing is, YOU, the one who called for Enma, will go to Hell when you die as well, whenever that is, whether from natural causes or not. YOU must bear a black mark on your body (the mark is on the breast for a woman, chest for a man, i believe), a permanent tattoo, that signals that you used Hell Girl and you are bound for Hell when you die. tricky, huh? would you give up your eternal reward to rid someone of theirs?

this is the moral dilemma that faces each main person every episode. each week, it's a new protagonist, a new life situation, and that person must decide if it's just too much to bear and it's necessary to rid themselves of their bane and cost both their chance at Heaven. now we're not talking about the scum of the earth here, these are really just average people who are caught up in bad conditions or they make one terrible mistake and must decide on a very brutal decision. school bullying, suicide, divorce, jealousy, sex, rape, violence, it's all covered here brilliantly.

just think about Hell for a moment, the concept of it: eternally punished with no source of comfort or reprieve, this is really FOREVER, forever....forever, forever. scary, no?


CLICK HERE FOR SOME MUSIC FROM THE SHOW TO GET YOU IN THE SERENE AND SCARY MOOD, THE CONCEPT OF ETERNITY

1. if you could use Hell Girl in real life, whom would you send to Hell knowing that you would have to go to Hell eventually as well when you die?

2. does Hell really exist?




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MUSIC MONDAYS: IRIS, THE OTHER IRIS

we're talking LIVE here, not the GOO GOO DOLLS




NOW, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE




memories: well, this takes me back. hearing this song, really as part of the masterpiece that is this album, i couldn't help but think we were neglecting this band LIVE when discussing the greatest band of the 90s: either nirvana or the smashing pumpkins. we should have entered a third band in the competition, this one. it's like when debating spielberg or lucas, you must also consider the third great writer/director and imagination, that of jim henson.

feelings: when i was really listening to this song, i was in my invincible period. this was the time in my life when i felt that all i had to do was immerse myself in pop culture, listen to every song out there, watch every film, and i'd be okay being alone. these all could serve as replacements for love. in short, i was wrong about everything. hi, eternal here, the late phoenix, computer person at your service, dirty internet personality here creeping out from out my couch...

structure: love the lyric of "the felix", reminds me of Felix The Cat, first transmitted television image ever, i believe. i only say that because i love tv so much, it's my third arm, without obsessing over tv, i'd be passionless. this song's middle portion is strong and powerful with those ripping chords, and i love when ed shouts like michael jackson, "WHOO! COME ON!"

final thoughts: IRIS is a great song, a song steeped in the magic that was the era of good, meaningful, real grungey songs about real issues and real emotion. it's true we'll never get the awesomeness of the '90s ever again, but a dreamer can dream, can't he?




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IMAGEMAKERS: BETTER THAN A GAGA/TIMBERLAKE SNL FINALE?

CHICKEN HEADS (BOTTOM PIC): this short was about a boy who lives in rugged, sandy, hilly, mountainous terrain and is enamored with two particular pets, a gazelle and a dog. he lies about what happened to his father's prized sheep, blaming the dog, almost dooming the dog to eat poisoned chicken heads as a fatal punishment. that's one angry father, no? turns out, the dad sprinkled the chicken heads with flour, not poison.

BUNNY (TOP 3 PICS): this short was rugged terrain as well, except this time it's a rough, run-down neighborhood. another tale of a boy and his pet, this time a pet bunny. there's a boy and his oft-acquaintance, a street tough who fakes a badass game but is really just all mushy and crying inside. when the street tough steals the boy's prized bunny, it's on. eventually, the street tough's mother gets in on the act and demands to know why a bunny is in her house. the boy realizes the street tough needs something, ANYTHING to love, so he relents and lets the street tough keep the rabbit.

1. name an experience of yours involving chicken heads.

2. in BUNNY, i loved how the boys would treat their bicycles. when they were at their destination, they brutally slammed down their bikes without a care in the world, as if the bikes were but momentary trash to be thrown away. what prized possession of yours do you find yourself treating badly?




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PORN LESSONS: PARDON ME, BUTT...

this is hardcore JEOPARDY! hardcore hardcore game show




everything i've learned about life i've learned from porn: where to stand, where to sit (blocking), where to position my body and her body to achieve the perfect contortion, what sweet nothings to whisper into her ear (and they are REAL things you must whisper, they're not really NOTHINGS), how to cum on her without making her mad afterwards, etc. on a completely unrelated note, i seem to be dateless this saturday night. anyway, i'm thinking of making this a new wednesday tradition.




NOW, CLICK HERE. WARNING!!!: NSFW PORN




have i told you lately how much japan fascinates me? the last post, you say? oh, okay, just making sure, just checking...




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JAPAN HAS SOLVED ALL CRIME

FIRST, CLICK HERE




i love japan, that's no secret. i love everything having to do with japan, japanese culture, and japanese concepts of life. i'd give my first-born and second-born to japan if it meant learning more about japan's secrets to happiness. third-born? well, it's all hypothetical now, but okay, third-born. lead me softly by the hand into the Land where quirky is the norm, insane is sane, creativity has no bounds, and the soul is free to fly around




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MUSIC MONDAYS: CUMS IN THREES

FIRST, CLICK HERE




memories: ah yes, i heard this song many many times during my difficult transition from one-year-left college student to hopeless shut-in, so i suppose i have mixed memories. on the one hand, it reminds me of putrid failure, but on the other, it was my constant companion whenever i needed to escape my headspace.

feelings: this song makes me feel powerful. if i may be indelicate for a moment, i'm not sure whether the lead singer is a little heavyset or just husky and muscular. if he's husky and muscular, i apologize profusely and ask that he doesn't beat me up, i'm but a skinny nerdfighter. if he's heavyset, well, see the point is that music transcends all that, y'know? music offers that: you can be the fugliest, most awkward stain on human society, but if you can sing, if you can structure a song, and if you're truly honest about your feelings and infuse that into your music, you're a god, you become superhuman, and you will find love, sex, and happiness (well...sometimes...)

structure: speaking of structure, i love this song's driving beat, it picks you up from the ground from the start and never lets you go, you're running a mile before you have a chance to rub your bleary eyes and brush your teeth

conclusion: this song rocks, to date i think it's their best work, i'm going to watch the video and listen to it again, won't you join me?




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ALWAYS WILLING TO SPREAD THE CULTURE: POP, NOT, OR SHORT

first of all, i'm glad that IMAGEMAKERS is on now at a more reasonable time, early evening instead of early morning, a man does need his number-three time. great episode last night, i can't praise this showcase of short films enough, without it i'd be a lesser person.

GLENN OWEN DODDS: get it? Glenn Owen Dodds, G-O-D. yeah, i won't spoil it too much for you after that, CLICK HERE for a preview.

TOUCH: great capper, CLICK HERE for a preview. a short about suicide, hmmmm, i wonder why a person like me would be interested in that...

1. well, the dude in GLENN wasn't all that impressed with how God looked. what is your perception of god? more white beard or more the South Park version? perhaps more like light than a human frame? or something completely indescribable

2. the angel in TOUCH kept talking about that movie about an angel who gives up his wings to become human? remember this movie?




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EMOTION PLATTER

the Boy--he referred to himself as the boy because despite inhabiting a hulking frame, being of lanky and firm body, he was terminally emotionally a twelve-year-old boy--sat down in front of his computer screen set to describe as best he could the rollercoaster of emotions of last monday of last week of the latest month. it starts as always, the boy dependent on one thing and only one thing to survive: the cyber scribblings of his online friends. a horror passes into his face as he hits all the requisite buttons, again and again for there must be some mistake, and realizes that his line of communication has been cruelly erased. a virus, a bully, an unseen threat? the culprit is of no importance, the computer disease has slithered back into the air, uncatchable. the damage is done, this is happening, it's all gone, years of work down the drain, trains of thought derailed forever.

just then, a call. his aunt, the one who cares for him still, calling from the hospital, she's just about to have that knee surgery, she should be fine, though she is old and frail, too old to still be having to be forced to care for the boy. the knife will plunge into her within the hour, and what follows will be two weeks of recuperation, two weeks for the lonely boy to really be alone to fend for himself in the cold, dark house.

he must now leave the cold dark house if he wants to eat, no more spaghetti and meatballs at the ready in his room, he must go to taco bell or somewhere nearby, must travail those long dusty roads, walk until his calves burst with burn and numb. it is during this trip that he passes by a tv broadcasting the untimely death of that black actress from one of those road trip movies, dead after going in for "routine" knee surgery...auntie...see, it can all be gone in a flash, nothing routine about how the boy has chosen to manage his life.

being alone was a choice, but now it has a grip on the boy, it has a mind of its own, it's steering him into a crazy way, it's taking over his brain, his diseased thoughts are racing a marathon. no more online friends, no one to talk to, no one to TYPE to, he has a little brother, but he never talks to his little brother, they have nothing in common, the brother lives in the house, and the boy is all alone in the cold dark house, what's easier than engaging? sibling silent treatment

is this the end? is it really over? will he ever type another letter again? was it all for naught, is his very existence irrelevant and waiting to disintegrate like the common virus which started this mess?

a call, strange voice. female voice, but not Auntie. oh, it's the nurse, letting me know in an exaggerated tone that everything is fine, the surgery was really routine this time, and there's nothing to worry about anymore

nothing to worry about anymore...




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...OR, HOW I FEEL ABOUT BLOGSPOT

CLICK HERE AND FEEL WITH ME




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MATCH.COM MINDY MAGIC

FIRST, CLICK HERE

AND THEN HERE

AND THEN PLEASE CLICK HERE

AND FINALLY THIS ONE, CLICK HERE




hmmmmmmm, why do i get the sneaking suspicion that if i were to sign up for this thing, i wouldn't get someone who looks like mindy? not that i'm SHALLOW or anything...




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