Friday, January 20, 2017



* YES! finally. this is what i mean. THIS is what i'm talking about. what we artists do to scrimp and save and steal and sober up. the meals we forego, the suppers we skip, the Bantam Bagels we bypass, the real-life red corvettes we reject in favor of lyrics, the breaststststs and Mercedes Benzzzzzssssss in favor of bread and bones, toiling nights away though we are not insomniacs, sleeping in school, cast aside by critics, scorn for solace, crying for caring, our dignity damaged, our passion peed on, our name neutered by nepotism and nipped by nothing, our burnished being burnt by a billion blogs. it's for a piece of art like this that will endure when religion is relegated, faith is flattened, and the desire to demigod is dead.

* i'm not on drugs but my back is killing me.

* this has nothing to do with what you're thinking. unless you're thinking that. art can't exist in a bubble. or can it?

* confessor: your sins?
Jude Law: i have the best name in show business. i have no sins.
confessor: that American accent is a sin.

* Pope Jude Law: don't stick your cock in my face.
altar man: it's just the microphone, sir.
Pope Jude Law: congratulations. *raises arms* is it raining?
altar man: no.
Pope Jude Law: look! see the sun coming up over the cloud there? i did that.

* Pope Jude: i am God.
rival Cardinal: or Satan.
Pope Jude: same thing.
Cardinal: how did you get elected again?
Pope Jude: thinking outside the box.

* Pope Jude: for my first edict i hereby pardon Salman Rushdie.
Cardinal: here we go...

* Pope Jude: relax they're candy cigarettes.
Cardinal: i can see the smoke.
Pope Jude: Jesus smoked.
Cardinal: how do you know?
Pope Jude: cos he was cool.

* hot nun: why is your nose bleeding?
Pope Jude: please don't touch me. all i'm wearing is this robe.

* Pope Jude: what's with all the vans?
Cardinal: lifetime supply of those thick communion wafers you like. the company is going out of business.

* nun with glasses: i see Christ's reflection in you.
Pope Jude: hey you're Diane Keaton! how's Woody?

* Pope Jude: i saw a vision.
Cardinal: are you sure you weren't hallucinating?
Pope Jude: i may be on drugs but i'm also deeply religious.

* turn the sprinklers off, i'm reading The Gay Science!

* Pope Jude: i can hold my breath for like an hour..................i really picked the wrong line of work.

* evil Cardinal: knowledge is power.
Pope Jude: i know. i forced you to tell me that.

* evil Cardinal: show me on the map what country you want to conquer first.
Pope Jude: this is a map? why isn't it square? i thought this was a playground roundabout. come on, just one ride. papal please?

* Cardinal: they're called Papal Bulls.
Pope Jude: bull!

* hot nun: the plane's gonna crash!!!
Pope Jude: why did we stop walking everywhere?!!

* Cardinal: why are you so angry? what did the world ever do to you?
Jude Law: look i'm not good at relationships okay?

* Pope Jude: Revolution.
Cardinal: miss that show. meanwhile Teen Titans Go! keeps going.


make, uh, happy weekend


Jenny Baranick said...

I feel like Diane belongs with neurotic Jews, not young, angry Catholics.

the late phoenix said...

power outage. perfect time to rewatch Manhattan over some warm Milwaukee beer...