TMIT: TIMEMAN

1. why do you fall in love? tits. they cushion my tongue when i fall. do you know why men are attracted to tits? it's cos they look like butts. David Brent taught us all that.

2. what makes you fall in lust? i'm Ricky Gervais, i'm on the edge all the time. the greatest example of lust in human history of course is that between Ricky Gervais and Mel Gibson,

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chemistry can be created, but true tension cannot be faked. do you know what these two lustbirds discussed that was censored? sugar tits.

3. if you are in a monogamous sexual relationship and your significant other has sex outside of your relationship, will you forgive them? yes. cos we are all human. actually that's not true, we are all ziggy stardust.

4. what do you idolize? religious people who swear like sailors (after all, Jesus loved his fishermen), French actresses who go their entire careers without appearing nude on camera, and huge husky burly NFL linemen hugging their scrawny kicker when the kicker misses an easy field-goal that abruptly ends their season.

5. where are your erogenous zones? my butt that looks like tits. also, i get really hot when you slide your stick across the palm of my hairy palm cos it means i got my writing pencil in my hand and can get back to work.

bonus: what is the strangest or most unique thing you've tied someone up with or been tied up with? why were you tied up? the Red String of Fate. yeah the fortuneteller told me in between puffs of vape smoke whilst taking off her hoop earrings that i was the only case in history where the Red String tied me to the wrong person. so that kinda sucks cos that string is like really hard to take off.

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