TMIT: I...JUST...CAN'T...ANYMORE

1. what strange areas of your body are ticklish? my teeth. i'm trying to do what the dentist is advising me post-root-canal, but whenever the bristles of the brush or the wax line of the floss hit my chompers, i have a laughing fit that lasts 45 minutes.

2. what is something you are interested in sexually, but only on a pure fantasy level? something you think about but could never fully act upon. time travel. i want to go back in time to the point where i left college but hadn't yet turned to computer living as my substitute for love. i would make the fateful choice at that moment in my timeline to go the '80s-living route instead. this has nothing to do with sex. actually, it does. i would have been more sexually attractive now if i had done this. of course, i also would be forever alone. it's funny how those two dynamics can work in unison.

3. if you could have a week of the best sex ever in human history but you had to have a fish head as your head for the rest of your life, after that week, would you do it? sure, what's wrong with that? that's what i have right now, a fish head for a head, that's what me and my proud people look like. i don't pay attention to human history, i'm busy having sex with my fellow fish-head-alien babes. our race got a bit of publicity when we were featured in the background just for a second on an obscure episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, you know the one where Data the Android is kicking everyone's ass and CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK?

4. what do you consider taboo and have you ever ventured into this territory? was it a great, good, bad, or horrific experience? it was horrific. i realized i couldn't just go into a McDonald's anymore and eat. Mom's dime had run out. i couldn't be the free-wheeling hippie goth anymore. rent needed to be paid. i had to go into McDonald's now and work. hippies don't work. hippies don't bathe. hippies don't believe in money. hippies still have stomachs which growl, though. no, i don't want fries with that. never again.

5. what part of your body do you consider the most unusual that enjoys being stimulated? my brain. i know that's the snob thing to say, but it's true. if you're not smart, this relationship isn't going to work. i have a fish head after all, so i'm not exactly thinking about grand things. i have exactly three thoughts in my brain, no more: food flakes, swim, stare with ominous fish eyes. you have to be the clever one, but you know all this, you're only with me for my massive fins, right? and that tail which just don't quit.

bonus: if you could make a porn flick with any celebrity, who would it be and why? one word: DENZEL.

my lovely neighbor works at a crackers factory. she is quite the stunner. i would literally not kick her out of bed for eating crackers...

celebrities are celebrities, but crackers, y'know?

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