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my useless life ticks away
tick tick
damnit! i cut myself on that exposed spring wire deep in the chewed-up hole of my mattress
third time i've hit that exact spot on the back of my elbow
it's cold there, hot now, my fingers are getting tingly, numb
i'm too tired after 8 hours sleep to leave the comfort of my bed
i'll let it hurt, let it bleed, it's not bleeding
what a fantastic dream
more and more i want to stay in the dream realm
this one i was an actor in really felt real,
this time i knew this was my real life and the other was the other,
there was Dad and Mom and i all nestled together, easy talking, laughing quietly
like we used to do, it came so easily to be easy,
and inside the circle of us soaking up all the attention was Kitty, the one who has since left us,
beautiful white Persian, fluffy family, beautiful life cocoon,
we are by a fireplace, no, a big blue gymnastics stretchy soft landing pit
and Kitty licks herself in her...um, place...and starts flying
this should have clued me in that this was not real, but it still was real to me, my beloved flying
as easy as an inside joke amongst my family,
that's what made it so special, the impossible was ordinary,
that's how my real life should go,
but it never will
i so hated to wake up from that one
where is my cat? he usually curls up by my feet, where is my second beloved?
the only friend i ever had
can't leave for the monastery, we need each other, it's us against the world
a world that doesn't care, doesn't notice me or anything else
while jamming up the highest internet speed possible
leaving the mentally ill to suffer along the highway of information
my cat doesn't fly, but i wish he could
wish i could, i'd escape into another dimension
the dream dimension
ouch, it's actually bleeding now
drip drip goes the red time
like when i was at school taking tests
the pressure
i'd look up at the clock on the wall as it tick tick
one of my nervous habits during tests was to brush the back of my head hair with my fingers
only then could i continue to question #2
that was back when i had hair...and mild OCD
i was gonna use that little anecdote in my novel,
but i'm not sure i'll be around to complete my novel,
so i might as well type it out here now for the world to see
get it out before i get out of here
WHILE I'M STILL AROUND, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK
the tick tick drip drip
carries me
along to my dark destiny
tomorrow isn't guaranteed
me
watched a health special on tv
realized i hadn't made any progress at all
back to square one, waiting to fall
just when i think i can make something happen,
i realize the end has already been written
long ago by forces NOISILY BLACK, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK
moaning, murmuring, motioning for me to join them.
CLICK HERE FOR THE RULES. IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, PLEASE ADD YOUR ENTRY TO THE LINKY TOOL BELOW:.
6 comments:
The only motioning moan you should follow is mine, so you can join me in a place where time stands still and mattress wires do as they're told...
i moved my mattress the other way around, so the hole is near my pants-protected legs now, but now i can't reach my left leg to the floor because of the weird left-side elevation of the mattress.
Tick tick tick...
Maybe time to turn the mattress completely over?
I feel like I've been in dreamland this past week, still struggling to catch up with life...
:*
~Kazi xxx
believe me, i know the feeling, i'm runnin' on six hours sleep here, i still haven't arisen from dreamland, or the other way around.
Well why would you ever want to arise from dreamland?
You don't go unnoticed Phoenix.. no.
If you could borrow fun or bliss from the future, would you?
juli: exactly, i want to go there now and pretend my life never happened.
i don't? i wonder sometimes, i really do...
yep, i need more fun and bliss and less existential crying fits.
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