TMIT: ONLINE LOVE IS LIKE BLUE METH...

the last pic there, right up above here, one day this beautiful day will happen for me, one day, i only have to continue living and hoping, one day, me and my first love in the Second Garden of Eden.

so Burger King finally breaks even after the less-than-inspired french-fry burger with their Satisfries, which are healthy ridged french fries they now serve. i was certainly satisfried after sampling them this weekend. i stay healthy by cramming mounds of french fries into my mouth, that's my secret diet, i don't have to exercise or nuttin' afterwards.

1. why do you like sexting or virtual sex (chatting, skyping, etc.)? that's a thing? all this time, i thought chatting was when you defenestrated your useless computer, called up your neighbor on a non-Apple landline phone and asked him to come over to shoot the breeze while whittling wood and rocking on rocking chairs out in the open on your front lawn. then you go fishing at night.

2. when you're about to "get busy"---down and dirty---do you like to be undressed by your lover or do you do the removal of clothes by your lonesome, i mean, by yourself? are we talking virtual or real? oh, i guess there's no difference anymore. women like men who take charge, so what i do is rip my own clothes off by myself in a sexual frenzy. then i start salivating and generally acting like a sexually-repressed Bigfoot. some women are still intrigued and don't hang up the internet phone. well, only one was after that, a fan of Harry and the Hendersons who wanted from me a VHS tape of the rare unaired pilot.

3. what's the most desperate thing you've done for sex? i was willing to throw it all away for one night of hot, gooey, salacious, tribal, unadulterated adultery. got kicked out of the tribe the next day. couldn't control my urges...i know i disgraced the elders, but that huge totem pole in the village square looked exactly like my huge totem pole, i had to find out for sure...

4. viagra for women will hit the market soon. if you're a man, would you want your female lover to try such a drug? abso. i love all drugs. drugs were meant to be experienced and enjoyed. i mean, love is a drug, right? what's so funny about peace, love, understanding, and blue meth? doctors are like cool drug-dealers, right?, nice drug-dealers who won't get you caught up in a border battle. that's what my priest keeps telling me, he drones on and on about me getting him his prescriptions and altar wine.

bonus: if it were legal in your country/community to visit a SEX BOX, would you? i've seen those on the news. i want to move there. that's like Jack in the Sex Box, fast-food prostitution while trying to be as clean and safe as possible. yeah, that's where i want to be early Sunday mornings instead of church, any excuse for me to avoid my priest and his drones, y'know?

in all seriousness, i'm just a poor soul who wants to fuck hard and love hard, not necessarily in that order.

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