THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT AT THE LIBRARY: SIDESCROLLER

 

the graveyard shift at the library is an ATMOSPHERE. it's an interesting place, picture it: a library open at midnight. see most students don't even know they can check that emergency book out of the library at an ungodly hour when everything is black and midnight blue and there's no noise, no sounds just the interior pall of a few people studying inside. it's spooky. yet invigorating. inviting. you see yourself and others differently at night. there's a desperation at night, students needing that one last-chance ditch effort to retrieve something before the dawn spoils their dream...

who are the people around at this hour at a library? the interesting people, that's who!!! the man at the counter is One Sock, he's like, picture this: he's like the CryptKeeper but human. tonight it's a talking cat at the desk.

Sphinx the cat: you know when you're cleaning the kitty litter, wipe the litter off the ledge of the box with the blessing "precious paws." then make sure you wipe INTO the box any excess litter pebbles and say this prayer to yourself in your head: "keep that cat dust magic in." 

One Sock: cats have a sixth sense about life.

Sphinx: turn the litter box so it looks like a giant Nintendo Switch screen, the sides smaller than the top and bottom. use your scraper and scrape the sides up and down fast. see? that's where the hidden fossilized cat poo is buried. 

One Sock: i thought it was the tiny dried cat-pee clumps that were impossible to find.

Sphinx: see? it's like a sidescroller video game.

One Sock: yeah, like Super Mario.

Sphinx: please, fool, i'm old-skool, i was thinking more 1989 Prince of Persia.

One Sock: i mean that's technically a computer game.

Saska Stanisic: not Satanist...

Suzy Lu: in a world where everyone ignores the new Dragon Ball Super stuff coming in the fall. in a world where soda is juice...

principal: not all principals need to be at the picnic, okay?

Rick Steves downing another aperitif in Turkey: before my PBS travel show i was Rick Stevs without the e.

Jen and i are at a back alcove of the library lit in neon purple light at midnight.

Jen R: at least it's easy to see at night. by the stairs.

me: i'm in a secret lab with Morrissey. a wall of screens in front of us churning out Vaporwave graphics and flashing stats. we're building the Six Million Dollar Man. Morrissey turns to me and says, "i'm the Six Million Dollar Man. don't worry, i'll give the money to charity."

Jen: your dream?

me: yes. 

Jen: nice.

me: while i was sleeping last night.

Morrissey: the neon elevator in this library was too much for you two. but not for me.

 late '70s/early 80s: by those tie everyone was on their second Marge...

FI:L Fic Mudler;s Basic Income.

o[Phan kid on the Slcoe Thanksgiving episodes o was the forts kid to say the word "cop-out on the;lions...

SCYVL you knew we; e good we use the PND stationed Togo action music as it interstitial music between scenes. 

PBD Man: Yu's we me in your good dreams...

Harry Poeter Better beer coffee creamer: Rebecca Lowe juice.

Kory Vinainl ie happens, man.'

Janet lala; nttals not helpful.

Playgoers sat the stone singles bar: all triangles are love triangle if you love triangle;s.

EU;lmao Gostinel can you come to my house mean Stella Fred you think a woman like me is still active? down; worry's Fe Donald have  temper, let;s get him eclairs so he take sit out on his owling ball. not your nose. aware tores are a thong on our world that disproves your theory.

Grams eagmerL I shoot playoff hoops for the NBA and I compose dark dooms German Experts isoniazid classical music on the side, Nothe and I had ONE diner sorry, okay> we;'te enjoy frnd. 

John Raiersl IP h Batimoe Fdy athol.

jk MCot wearing a NO GSS VHS R bottom; ...

eaxa=style PCI it;s just Ozuna with a little babe ie said drizled over top.

One Sock: what book are you checking out tonight, my wondrous cat friend?

Sphinx: The Prince of Persia Movements Scare Me.

One Sock: interesting. 

Sphinx: you know Talia?

One Sock: i've read of her.

Sphinx: Talia the cat is the most precious entity the universe has ever created.