.jpg)
Peewit: they rejected me so i had to learn a trade. i took up electrical engineering. i became a Buddhist priest. their robes are cooler. life is tranquil here on the island. though i have to admit the village people are weird. when it comes to their religion. but they are quirky about their food which i like. they'll drink ANYTHING. i run a candy shoppe with a thatch roof on the outskirts of town, it helps me blend in with the locals so they don't shy away from the spirit. gives my cheeks and my path extra color. isolation is boring. we have 700 varieties of Kit Kat here, any flavor-chocolate paired with the wafer your little anime heart desires. you know Kit Kats, those chocolate bars that look like pianos. you can only get certain Kit Kat flavors HERE and nowhere else in the world. i'm searching for a specific flavor and color of Kit Kat...
Jen R drags my sickly body and mind to this candy shoppe. she plops me on top of Peewit's counter.
Peewit: SEAWEED KIT KAT!!! that was it.
Jen R: can it help my friend? he doesn't have much time left.
Peewit: he's in a bad way, it's like he's given up on life. seaweed cures anything. but it tastes salty and disgusting. do you like eating seaweed, sir?
me: the only Japanese food i like is candy.
Jen R: yeah, seaweed and chocolate is NOT a good combo.
me: i had another episode of the God Shakes last night, i start thinking about ETERNITY, about NEVERENDING, and my small brain can't take it, i can't mathematically calculate those parameters, i can't understand INFINITY, so i start CONVULSING, SPASMING as i hit out at my crossed dresser with the palm of my hand until i leave a cross bruise on the bridge of my nose.
Jen: this won't happen to you as long as you're wearing your double-sweater.
Peewit: yeah sometimes the body needs to breathe, a change of scenery, a change of smells, sights, tastes, a change of rules.
JUST THEN there's a tiny Christmas jingle bell at the door.
Jean-Michel Basquiat enters the candy shoppe.
Jen: oh my GOD!!! sir, can i call you J.M.?
Basquiat: not even my mom called me Jean-Michel. my dad calls me Jim.
Jen: please sign my tub of Dubble Bubble!!!
me gagging on the counter: hey, I was gonna get you that Dubble Bubble!!!
Jen: see? this is lucky for you already. the crown logo on the Dubble Bubble tub is YOUR crown, Basquiat!!!
Basquiat: who do you think licensed it? ALL brands use MY art for their logo. call me a dreamer, i thought art was supposed to be free.
Jen: and sign ONCE MORE using Madonna's signature, are you two still a thing?
Madonna: Basquiat was my only true love, we got together when BOTH of us weren't famous yet.
Basquiat: Madonna was bad at fucking back then.
Madonna: "Like a Virgin" is not about a big dick, it's about a feeling. Tarantino is a weird date, he's antsy.
Talia the cat: your butthole is as red, itchy, dusty, and grey as mine.
me: i need ointment from CVS.
Michael Weiss: Instagram isn't about love, it's about agenda.
Friday morning: not the same as other mornings.
meraki: only found in Milwaukee.
Eye Luggage: watch it.
Laertus: why?
Eye: she's come back from a trip to Europe and/or Costa Rica.
Houghton Mifflin: education so kids won't turn into huffing teens who ride cars without a muffler.
Talia the cat: don't put your hot plate of spaghetti on the mousepad, it ruins the insulation over time.
Jerry the mouse: i only eat spaghetti with cheese.
Dragon Ball Z: Dead Zone.
Suzy Lu: a new intro song!!!
me: THIS intro sing will stay in your head FOREVER.
Lars von Trier: that was the most DISTURBING eating of 3 apples i've ever seen.
Jen: i just can't get into anime. the clothes are cool tho.
Emperor Pilaf: people take me seriously? people think i'm a menacing threat?
Bulma: it's me, Bulma, i'm wearing my dad's white lab coat.
green villain who's not Piccolo: kids aren't supposed to eat apples!!! don't you watch Disney movies, kid?
Gohan: of course, all anime was derived from Disney.
green villain: i can't say you're drunk, you're too innocent for that. what you're experiencing is the acid trip all animators go through before they're qualified to work at this Japanese studio.
Gohan: why do i see elephants but no dinosaurs?
Garlic Jr.: but what does my father Garlic look like?...
Hoop Dreams.
downstate: it's a metaphor.
the Hum lead singer: ...
Arthur Agee hugs William Gates.
Arthur: i love you, man. our friendship is beautiful.
William: love you too. i know. hey how'd you get bigger than me? we ain't faking it, we really are boys.
Arthur: yeah, they made it seem like we didn't know each other even tho we're the two stars of this doc!!!
Arthur: i should major in Agriculture...
William: Computer Science. but there's no point, the computer has already been invented. i want to invent something.
cheerleader: don't be pushing me!!! SIKE, it's the routine.
Arthur's mom: i was a cheerleader back in the day. now i'm a nurse. BOTH your fantasies?
Olympic rings on the ceiling of the basketball court: in case you change your mind in four years...
The Tonight Show: you will NEVER watch this show ever again, you will NEVER be able to stay up past 11PM ever again.
"Push It to the Limit": "Danger Zone"'s younger brother.
Archer: ...
Archer: played at my bar mitzvah.
9:01 PM: NO CHORES will get done at this point.
Jackie Fitzgerald: at 6:30AM each morning be sure to SLIDE DOWN the curtain-blinds of your den door-window that overlooks my glorious PINK LOVE SHACK!!!
Saturday-morning Premier League soccer: it has replaced Saturday-morning cartoons.
Gunther holding the Sword of Power: by the power of Grayskull, I HAVE THE POWER!!! to snatch your puny soul from your puny body as you faint from fear at having seen my pure rough face.
me: there was an Eternia playset?
Heat Miser: i had cool punk hair.
Melissa Maker: Merry Crisis. microscopic glass can't be surgically removed...
at the candy shoppe.
Peewit: watch out for the SUCTION of the bottom of your Alice in Wonderland-big-size teacup.
Ear Horn: i prefer paper teacups, dearie. and NOT just on Mother's Day. witches are scared of ceramic, it's like water to us.
Peewit: we have an assortment of rabbit food you will MUNCH, madam.
Ear: i'm old but i'm spry, sonny. i love the coleslaw with that one STRAP of cabbage that looks like a window blind.
Peewit: it's like eating my Medieval shoe.
Mashle: One Piece is homework, Mashle is recess.
Hollywood: you go to parties for work.
Manchester United: Jonny Greenwood from Radiohead plays soccer for this team.
Malta: sounds like coffee. General Foods International Coffees coffee.
Jackie Fitzgerald at the door: want some of my homemade Christmas spice cookies?
me: i want to eat your REAL cookies.
the latest Family Guy episode: people still celebrate Christmas? on Dec 25 and everything? with presents around the Christmas tree?
Stewie: stockings hung by the chimney with care. not high on the mantle enough that the stockings catch fire from the ticklish flying embers below in the fireplace.
Brian: the whole family gathers round the Christmas tree, not in separate rooms with separate TVs...
Chloe Fineman: it's your new holiday tradition: you find eggnog somewhere, anywhere, BEFORE the first SNL of December...
Marina Sirtis: i'm playing Princess Ariel in the Thundarr the Barbarian live-action movie...
Paul Mescal: if Harry Potter had a personality.
Gaia: are you gonna tell your wife you're gonna be gone awhile?
Sir David Attenborough: i haven't spoken to my wife in 70 years, that's why we're still married.
David Tennant sucking on a lemon drop: there's a spirit phone in my TARDIS.
Matt Smith: not Sprint.
Peewit: yeah so the island is Japan.
The Wallflowers song "The Difference" plays in the background in the candy shoppe...
No comments:
Post a Comment