Cloris: what do you serve with the tea?
Jean-Luc Picard: cookies of course. but not any cookies. Milano cookies. they fit that shortbread into such a shape as this to please the discerning tastebud. that tablature shape.
Cloris: oval. the chocolate ones?
Jean-Luc: are you mad, woman? are you on one?
Cloris: you haven't prescribed anything for me.
Jean-Luc: ONLY the Mint Milano. that's the only milano that should bear the Milano name. all the Mint Milanos are in my candy drawer.
Jean-Luc: i'm feeling like a bastard today. i'm not getting anything out of this job.
Cloris: perhaps it is you who needs to be in therapy.
Jean-Luc: i'm not participating in my life.
Cloris: you know what they say: get the gear while you're here.
Jean-Luc: yes i see, eat the pizza of life, get the Banksy Mickey Mouse Ears while i'm still here in the Disneyland of life. live, begin.
Cloris: see? you CAN learn something from your patients.
Jean-Luc: you are my coworker.
Cloris: so?
Jean-Luc: *breath* well, i spy a strange laptop with one of its corners sanded off on my way to work each morning, lying on the grass. i want to pick it up but i'm old. i'm wise. i realize that computer is what will be used to determine the election.
DoorDash: so your cake is being eaten alive by ants. sure you can DoorDash a bottle of bug spray BUT why not DoorDash a cake?...
Chicken Kiev: this ain't a '70s potluck you want to leave, a tacky greasy 1970s wedding buffet you want to forget, this dish is the VERY SOUL of Ukrainians' fight for identity, culture, rooting out Russia once and for all, and food.
retired nurse: still a registered nurse...
dad with a '70s butterscotch-paisley tie: ...
Ryan Wedding at a flashy Hollywood party: snow...
Ryan Wedding: i never got married.
Christian Bale: what do they call this pier?
Tina: the Bob's Burgers Pier. you have a handsome butt.
Grimace: Go Mets. see? this homeless McDonald's Olympics cup is NOT from 1984.
pelican: don't feed me pickles. Scarface was a metaphor...
Al Pacino: pelicans have mystique.
Ms. Krause: greater math and science scores do NOT make you handsome, only English does that.
Terrence Malick: don't go the Shelley Duvall Twilight Zone route, you're making me nervous, get out of the ocean when you're at the beach. yes i made sure to film that waitress's butt...
Jen R: i hope you have children.
me: ...
Terrence Malick: yes. take it from me, making sumptuously weird experimental films does NOT make up for not having children. see the Tree of Life tree cameo there?...
Lili Estefan at a club in Las Vegas: oh my god it's our little man from El Gordo y La Flaca!!! this is my first needing of tissue this year.........for my nose.
little man: oh. i thought you liked me.
Lili Estefan: you listen, little man, and you listen good, there is only one thing in life that you can rely on, one thing that will buoy you along above the water of hard times: chismes. not a man, chismes. CHISMES is medicine.
Tony Hawk: see? it's hard for skateboarders to make the surfer hang-loose sign...
Natalie Portman: so i'm just recreating my Miss Dior commercial on the beach?...
Christian Bale: i mean i'm the only person who actually knows what Natalie Portman's foot tastes like. not Anakin, not her husband, nobody else has tasted Natalie Portman's toes...
Christian Bale: wait who was First Girl again? oh yeah, the A Clockwork Orange marionette...
Christian Bale: i know who Final Girl is.........Hitomi from The Vision of Escaflowne...
Patty Duke recovering from Valley of the Dolls: you've never seen me that sassy before or since...
Suzy Lu: ...
Terrence Malick: the beatific cinematography tho, right? disembodied. disjointed. it's jazz, man. i love IMDb...
Christian Bale: i'm the only Los Angelino who went to Joshua Tree and DIDN'T have a good time.
Roger Federer: playing tennis in the desert is creepy to me. you look out either side of the tennis court and there's cacti and sand, it makes me question my own sanity.
Christian Bale: my face is creepy underwater...
Christian Bale: you know, i'm used to doing things demonstrably in movies. i'm used to saying risky lines in movies. here i actually don't do or say anything...
Terrence Malick: see? SEE?!!! We Live in Time is a gorgeously LAVISH nonlinear weepy but nobody gets it. i know how that feels. straightforward is BORING. gah, people don't want to be challenged anymore!!!
Cloris: give me some actual doctor/client confidential advice.
Jean-Luc Picard: never mess with an empath. don't get on an empath's bad side. you won't win that. Counselor Deanna Troi has fucked me more times than i can count and not in the pleasurable way.
Cloris: six ways to Friday night?
Jean-Luc: i lost my hair because of lovely Deanna. why is alien pleasure always more pleasurable than human pleasure?
Deanna Troi: empaths have better sex because they feel better...
Sabrina Ionescu: i'm not Sabrina Carpenter...
Jeff Probst: survivor activism is not Survivor bloggers complaining that the show's not making it easier for their favorite players to come through.
YouTube comment on ANY video: fuck you and fuck the world
me: the Disney College Program? it just isn't fair. where was this when i needed it to be? i couldn't become an Imagineer!!!...
Tavern on the Green vegetables: rustic-cut carrots and soup potatoes battered in soy sauce.
Dream Shake: please tell me this was at McDonald's during Hakeem Olajuwon's run at the top...
borscht: Vaporwave beets.
Boc: when the green intersection go-light goes on it just doesn't go on, it goes on with a SYMPHONY of church bells!!!
Lars von Trier: the NFL would be proud of that peal...
Jean-Luc: let's play a game.
Cloris: a quiz?
Jean-Luc: autumnal things and go. me first. a raincoat, suspicious gloves...
Cloris: picnic basket with a mason jar of warm pearl pasta, a clear tea kettle...
Jean-Luc: fine you win. my Octobers have always been dark, yours are whimsy.
Cloris: are you finally ready to open up?
Jean-Luc: i'm scared. i'm British. *deep external sigh* fine.
Jean-Luc Picard: Hell for me is watching that channel that shows only a local car lot and a strangely enthusiastic man breaking the fourth wall as he sells used cars to me on an eternal loop.
Cloris: you hate cars? that's not very Top Gear of you.
Jean-Luc: i get Ian Curtis.
Cloris: what about the flying taxis in London?
Jean-Luc: no i like those, those are cool. flying cars, fucking finally. as a starman...
Cloris: Bowie or Kubrick?
Jean-Luc: as a starchild who's an actual old man, i've waited my whole damn long life for The Jetsons to be real.
No comments:
Post a Comment