DON'T WASTE COKE ON TOILETS

notes:

* WARNING: this may make you give up the internet forever

* not real birds

* done before the whole Fallon controversy. Fallon the dummy with the dummy

* how many holes does a human have? one...

* Soda Springs: it's not what you think...

* the dog on Frasier was the spirit of the dead erudite professor father of the two brothers...

* whenever i see Moby's face from now on i will also see Natalie Portman's face

* and why does every AI robot look like Natalie Portman?...

* remember, The Office, Gervais is on our side, he just wants us to be less stupid about it. to get the bricks out yer head...

* Equestrian Couples: not what you think, two human wranglers involved

* dude, you are no Jessica Simpson. you are at most Elliott in a grey hoodie

* hey Siri, repeating is not knowledge

* life hack: if you're taking a depression test, you're depressed.

* daily problems staying alive...

* ah the good old days, when viruses were viruses……...when they were just harmful computer viruses... 

* blonde babe is not a PC expert who will feed you grapes in your ear as you get your headset on, she is an AI...

* the important thing is to talk to someone. even if that someone is the guy online who is there to fix your connection to your shrink

* please, let's not do the Her thing again, i comprehensively explored all the Her issues in a previous story... 

* Frank C: my name is Frank but i'm not in the mob

* when they ask where you're from, hang up

* Frank C: i'm from Florida but it's not what you think

* OMG that's the sound from Legacy of the Wizard!!!

* Frank C: use Facebook...not to stalk me tho...

* Frank C is Ollie Wride!!!

* Frank C is what Ronaldo would have been sans soccer: a European DJ

* am i wasting my life? yes, don't go to any more links 

* zoom doctor: is your mind constantly racing? well at least you have it better than me, I'M FUCKING WOODY ALLEN FOR CHRISSAKE!

* make a list of all your horrible worries......and don't put it in the fire...keep it on the fridge so you see it every morning before work...

* why doesn't my tongue taste good? two words: TRY TANG

* Jon, Jon, did i wake you at 3 in the morning? it's not a spam call. it's not a spam call!

* Jon: i look like that one MMA fighter you know...

* no girlfriend? well your girlfriend is your girlfriend, your friend, and your family...

* nobody likes you...right now...maybe get another look than shoe bomber...

* everything's better with pictures

* how to get people to like you? shake their hand...

* eyebrow flash. eyebrow flash when you're taking pictures outside...

* Jude Law: you'll never have a better eyebrow flash than me...

* scrap the Bible. start over. have the Bible written by all women this time and see how the world turns out...

* for the record, Steve Harvey's favorite cookie: peanut

* don't rush to conclusions, Frank C might have seen it but his seen is on invisible

* wanna go out for breakfast later? come on, Taco Bell Breakfast Sauce

* and of course no one watched this cos everyone was too sad after the Venture Bros news

CLICK HERE RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: i dunno, i wanted to go to the In N Out drivethru but i can't see an inch in front of my face. the haze mixes with the dust, it's confusing cos the marine layer mixes with the smoke so it's deceptive, you don't know if the grey-blue is cool or hazardous. when the In N Out girl bangs on my car window i'm gonna think it's a Sandworm!

i could always go to Dave & Buster's...ding ding ding my friend...ding ding ding...but i'm afraid of loud noises...

CARRENO BUSTA FOR THE U.S. OPEN!!! CARRENO BUSTA RHYMES!!!