THE PREAKNESS WILL BE RUN...OUT OF TOWN...OUT OF BALTIMORE...

well this is a Royal mess. i feel so sorry for Maximum Security's jockey. has this kid been put through the silks ringer or what? in the press and slung through the mud...of the press and the racetrack. i mean he got those two precious minutes with Donna Brothers...

you know, every man and woman dreams of this. you're basking in the glory and glow of having won the Big Race, you ride alongside Donna Brothers on horses for the NBC interview where you can't gather your thoughts cos you're out of breath and just instinctively remember to pet the horses's jaw and kiss the horse on the ears and loosen the reins and make sure to always thank the horse cos the horse did all the work but you do take a moment to think of your rough childhood in some far-off place not America and think of all the relatives working the farms and tilling the stables till dayfall you left behind. you're never gonna be this ON TOP TOPPO again...and then...

it was weird, right? like you didn't even know what was happening, it was never enunciated, put out there in the universe, put to pasture, the pasture of the universe, it was simply simple silence. silence permeated the track, everyone took their ten-gallon flower hats off cos it was getting too hot and stuffy in the rain. everyone waited...waited...for...something...to...happen...conclusively.

it was like, yeah, there was an Objection, NBC ran the replay reels over and over and over, but this was never said, it was just kinda implied. and it took forever, and that poor woman who wanted to be tough at the start of the race admonishing the jockeys that this was HER track now, daddy was dead, and to comply with and adhere to all decorum and manners of a good Kentuckian, and then SHE has to deal with this SHIT. this thing that happens every race. i know about horse safety, i get it, but it wasn't that egregious, right? i mean you wouldn't have NOTICED it if it hadn't been brought to your eyes. so, let the horse win. the right horse. the one who earned it.

Rebecca Lowe is never attending a horse race again, this will be her first and last. which is a shame. British girls have that kind of low-key sexiness you can't find anywhere else...except Siberia.

imagine if there had been an Objection during American Pharoah's race at the Belmont! and now there is a GUARANTEED NO TRIPLE CROWN this year. that's not good for ratings, but actually, THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. it should be HARD to win the Triple Crown, right? Justify is at a pasture right now laughing his ass off at us humans, he thinks we're donkeys.

this poor jockey starts to get disparaged in the papers when it's looking like you can't have an appeal of the stewards. see, there can't be precendent when this is the first time this has ever happened. it happened once but that was in the yellow papers. the owners turn on their own hardworking boy, call him names, said he was "drunk" out there racing, competing, steering. man this sport is rough. no days off. this case will be taken up by the Supreme Court BEFORE the 2020 Election...

of course my position holds no oat-sugarwater now that a tragedy has occurred on the Pimlico racetrack today...o the humanity...the horror of it all...those beautiful beautiful horses, makes me cry every time.

so choose one. not the Black-Eyed Susans, those are reserved for Susan Dey. everyone loves eating black-eyed peas, especially Josh Duhamel. Fergie, meanwhile, likes her peas green. for protein. saw her teaing with Kermit at Spago. after the week, month, and year-so-far we've all had to endure, i need a vaction. i would like to be Always Shopping and eating Cookie Dough with my brillo-pad teeth. off topic, Our Super Freak is still Cher. my favorite song is "Jack & Princess Diana" by Mellencamp. can you play the ukulele with your tongue?

i'm gonna have to go with Laughing Fox. cos Lars von Trier at the betting gate stared at me one time from a hedge for five minutes. i went up to him and offered my life savings but he politely refused, preferring instead to clean out the driveway. he then told me his next film was gonna be about my life...

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tomorrow at KFC: CINNABON BISCUITS!!! but the cinnabon is already a biscuit of sorts, they just plop the KFC biscuit at the bottom of it and call it a day, huh. a Susan Dey.

who will win the Iron Throne? Hodor, right? gotta be, everyone knows the one who goes through the magic door gets the Enlightenment and gets to Live Forever. what everyone forgets is that there is a little door in the middle of your mind, one which opens up when you die buried in snow. small enough for only a rat to get through...no but seriously it's gotta be Arya Stark, right? she's the cute kid pipsqueak with the heart of gold and insane fighting spirit beyond her size and determination beyond her designated rank and position in polite society we all grew up loving and rooting for, of course it's Arya!!! Up Arya!