TMIT: REMEMBER ONE-PANEL COMICS IN THE SUNDAY NEWSPAPER?

it was always so special cos you never knew what you were gonna get: sometimes the Garfield would be color, sometimes black-and-white. and Drabble, never forget the brilliance of Drabble. Drabble got this tennishead into golf. and made me take a second look at Jon Arbuckle. as a design for a man, the nose and everything, big head caused by having his beltbuckle cinched-up too tight. now when i talk to kids they don't even know what paper is. i have no kids of my own, so i bother my weird uncle's kids on the phone. they each live out-of-state. and out-of-country. and out-of-world.

these are gonna be awkward to answer...but i'll do 'em anyway. i don't do long...

1. if married, had you slept with any of your wedding guests not including the person you married? how many of the guests had you slept with?

weddings are always tricky affairs, wink wink. you gotta bring together and handle with hot glue two differing groups of people, folk on either side of the love spectrum, not willing to give the other side a chance, thinking their guy or gal is too good for you, without it turning into warring factions and devolving into a nuclear holocaust. at least for those 30 minutes of the ceremony.

i remember my wedding...i think. it rained the whole time, right? some thought that lucky, others unlucky. Alanis wrote a song about it.

i remember my weird uncle slept with my newly-minted wife's sister...that's when the weird moniker got attached to him the first time. i think i married the wrong woman, yeah the priest asked for the mother of the bride to come up to the ivory steps and say a few words and i thought this was the ceremony starting and i wed the mother instead. i was really out of it that day. good news is the in-law visits are never awkward.

2. weddings again---ever gone to a wedding and hooked up with another guest? yes. but it's okay cos it was a wedding i crashed. that was back in those days when i drank a lot of champagne for some reason and still thought Ashton Kutcher was cool.

3. do you get along with your partner's family? why or why not? Yoshi's family have been nothing but kind to me, i love them as my own. it's more than tradition with them, it's trust. they let me sit on their egg and everything. from now on, all music commemorating any of our family functions will be honored with Utada and enka. Utada, i didn't know till now, god bless you.

4. who in  your romantic relationship is usually the first to apologize after a fight? oh wait...……...long-distance doesn't necessarily mean long-term relationship...…i was wrong about this and i am sorry, i got confused…….I LOVE YOU, BABY!!!, she knows who she is...

5. when was the last time you dreamed about your partner? was it a good dream or a nightmare? i'm dreaming of him right now...………….after many centuries of meditation i've mastered the secret technique of never having to sleep again...……….you see i simply LUCID DREAM FOREVER....i'm constantly in that state------it's like a spiritual enlightenment in which i never close my eyes...….

my partner is Freddy Krueger so it's both.

bonus: do you think that fate or destiny play a role in love? no. it's all very scientific, cos the universe and the stars are scientific. the folk in the Middle Ages had the right idea, and they were forethinkers when it came to science. those weren't witch-dunkers you saw by those boggy ponds by the thatched roofs, those were the first prototypes for seesaws. you know bobbing for apples? well they'd take the apple, skin it alive, and leave the skin---the red apple rind. you place the long curly apple rind over the back of the woman's bare shoulderblade. it was hard to see cos all women back then had long hair. the natural apple string will point to the lucky bloke the maiden is to marry. backwards, cos all the villagers are staring at her butt. even Alan Cumming.

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