Friday, March 30, 2018



* narrated by that grumpipuss who does A Christmas Story and just wanted a damn leg for Christmas!

* Tucci gang Tucci gang Tucci Tucci gang Tucci gang gang

* Tucci teacher: eyes up here, look at my four-eyes not my tits. learn 'em early, let's make this a Pentagon society not a Penthouse society.

* on the board: Gravity? Does it Really Exist? Was The Apple Story Apocryphal?

* teacher: i called you Ivy not Icy! you misheard. i would never impinge on every student's right to express themselves in class...........even though blue hair dye is against school rules.............hey fat kid! stop eating double-chocolate cookies in class! and take off that Green Bay Packers vest! that's even more egregious than the punk girl! how can you be a punker when you're seven years old?

* you can tell she's gonna be the leader of this ragtag group cos she's the most spoiled.

* you can't fool me, Shadow Organization, that's the same bespectacled girl with the frizzy fro from your last commercial. with the soft-down fuzzy-caterpillar Sesame Street sweater. the one who didn't know what a computer was cos she was a hipster at 7 years old.

* and....................Toph.

* teacher: your assignment should you choose to accept it...........and you have do i have so many miniature globes on my desk? guys remember, Friday, due Friday, it has to be on Friday, i have my first date Friday night, get 'em in early.

* student: what's this?
another student: a tree.

* narrator: homework.................o homework how i hate you...............i hate your my ex-wife

* Parminder Nagra: what happened to me? i used to be the cute Indian girl all Indian families' Indian boys were destined to marry and help with the cooking. they said i ruined ER, i was the cause of the show cutting short when it could have coasted for 10 more years. it wasn't me, blame f**king Alexis Bledel who already had her own f**king show!

* Parminder: watermelon, egg. i use those, too.

* FMA Mart! helmed by Winry since 1873!

* wash you away in the same sink i bathe in

* Icy: ready guys?
Toph: i just planted a flag on the moon! the Earth is pear-shaped!
Hipstress: yes it couldn't be cos you're proficient in golf.

* wish a hippo would eat's not what you think

* Princess: did you just lick the watermelon junk off your screen?
Toph: don't judge me. my parents feed me, but just double-double chocolate-chip cookies.

* want to wrestle a man......................-eating shark

* ET bikes, Halloween theme song, riding in empty tin silver grocery carts wheelieing in the abandoned parking lot, these are things only '80s kids would understand.

* eat spinach and the liver of my enemies

* Toph: i'm gonna run this bike off the cliff like Slash does his axe in the Don't Cry G&R video.

* Icy: don't worry, this mattress needed to go anyway. it must be destroyed and is incapable of being salvaged. it is forever stained with the love of my brother and his girlfriend last night.

* Icy: this proves it. gravity doesn't really exist.
black kid: how much longer do i have to keep strung up and upside-down like this? it puts me in a very uncomfortable and vulnerable position. it reminds me of my favorite tentacle anime.

* garage door opens creepily.
Icy: DAD! no outside light! we were discovering our latent psionic powers in here!
Teacher Tucci: i told you, i'm late for my Friday-night date!

* Toph: quick! i'm swinging! i'll never swing again! take the shot before the rope breaks! *snap*

* team: don't look at the fact that the plastic soda bottle is floating on its own, take note of the fact that we did this as a team. teamwork 100%!

* recreating Trent's blowing jowls from the NIN "Closer" video for later reference. when they get to be Icy's brother's age.

* Toph: guys i'm dizzy................whoa....................i'm really dizzy......................really dizzy...........
Toph lies motionless facedown and doesn't get up.
Icy: his orange parka will become a collector's item. he's no doubt the favorite character on the show.


* Hipstress: enough with the water balloons in my face! where's my Apple Pencil?
black kid: you can't write with it. it needs to be sharpened first.
Hipstress: you ruined my ipad with your water! nothing is coming up! i can't write! black screen!
black kid: hey. you can still write but you need to load waterproof paper into it like a printer.
Hipstress: i see. i can write now. but this is a notebook. a non-electronic notebook.

* Toph: i do the sports. it's a wood tennis racquet but you gotta start somewhere.

* Princess: oh shit. the project was supposed to be on Anti-Gravity?

* Tucci: and now we have Group 3.
Icy: Group Tres, dad, remember we speak only Spanish in here.
black kid: didn't we have six in our group?

* Icy: hey, where'd my blue racing-stripe blazer go?
Tucci: had to borrow it for my date, honey.

* Icy: you okay, Toph?
Toph lies motionless and facedown.


happy weekend, my babies. i'm loyal to Loyola. since two weeks ago.

No comments: