TMIT: KUBLER NEVER ACCEPTED ROSS

please, Roger, don't be a doper. let's not have a report from Rome 10 years after your retirement where he prefaces his remarks with, "come to find out..." just don't ever retire, you can do it! tennis balls can't be deflated, if you try it they just turn into tennis-shoe tongues. don't shred my last shred of hope for humanity. Roger makes me want to be a better man. Roger is my Helen Hunt. this is not Super Bowl Week. this is Taco Bell Nacho Fries Week.

1. i will never again__________ drop acid before a chemistry test

2. i stash _________ in my closet. hash. but only cos it rhymes.

3. are you embarrassed when strangers start talking about their sexlife to you? heavens no, i tell them to continue. tell me more. get graphic with it. give me the deets. does anyone use deets anymore? this is the only sex life i have. gossip over Golden Girls cheesecake. did you see the Golden Girls episode of Gumball? it's like that Tool song. the one that begins with V. not tool vest, that's for role play.

4. would you date someone who is celebate? monks make the hottest fuckers.

5. what percentage do each of these activities---work, play, household, sex, rest/sleep---have in your life? (must equal 100%)

work: i consider writing work, 100%
play: i consider writing also play, 100%
i also wrote a play
household: i let Rosey the Robot handle it. that's where it all started, 100%
sex: yoga is simulated sex. hey remember the old movie ratings? it was never actual sex, it was always Rated R for Simulated Sex. i suppose if it was actual sex it got the X rating. 100%
rest: truckstops have the best bacon, 100%
sleep: 0%

i'm not good at math. i was an English major.

bonus: how do you decompress at the end of each day? how would you like to decompress at the end of each day? sex with my neighbor. anime.

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