Monday, December 18, 2017


1. what was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? why did you like them? her name was Laurel. she got me...nevermind. she was in the sixth grade. she had on a tattered verdant and orange plaid skirt and a pink-flower patch over her heart. my memory of her is hazy as i was in kindergarten at the time. i remember her on the way other side of the concrete playground. there under the rotting wood canopy of our collective lunchtable communist grouping. she looked at me i swore it. i was shy and hid behind the tetherball pole i was that skinny. Laurel looked at me squarely and stole the gleam from my eye. she positioned herself, she launched into a jumping serve and hit the volleyball as hard as her mallow fists could strike a ball. 100mph into my tiny face. i've always liked older women.

2. which parent do you identify with the most? Sophie.

3. which food will you not, under any circumstances, eat? shrimp. cocktail shrimp just makes it worse. also, ever since i found out my cousin works on the new DuckTales, i will forego my usual balut.

4. would you ever adopt a child? absolutely. i love my sister. if it wasn't for my sister, you wouldn't be reading me right now, you'd be reading AV CLUB and hating yourself in the morning. i'd be a distant memory in your motel eye as you'd bike-rack to work at the coffee store, grinding the morning-blend grounds as you realize you haven't read anything good in a while. my sister on a whim gave me this very computer i'm typing on as you read and I speak...silently.

5. when was the last time you played a board game? what game? Shadowrun. 1989. the perfect blend of medieval and sci-fi. that's what's missing in the world today: pen-and-paper RPGs. back when every nerd lived in the valley and had a circular table lit overhead by a stained-glass lantern stolen from the local Shakey's Pizza by his older brother. the older brother naturally flung it into the bed of his pickup truck. this despite the Shakey's Pledge of Allegiance posted clearly outside out front. related, i'm really into that trailer for the new film Bright.

bonus: what makes you laugh more---dry humour or weird goofy humour? CLICK HERE


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