THOSE TWO MINUTES TAKE FOREVER

CLICK HERE AND CHECK OUT THE SEXIEST WOMAN ON THE PLANET

we still haven't explored all of Mars yet but she's pretty good.

y'all know what to do. pick. not your nose. i'm tired. but not as tired as these poor horses will be by the end. is horseracing a cruel sport that's past its prime and should fade into obscurity with your grandpa watching boxing on a barge and Brad Pitt frolicking into him? sport of kings or sport of knaves? should it be permanently discontinued and replaced with robot horses? yes..........but it's complicated.

the rain should let up. so it's a dry muddy track. sloppy track. honestly do these conditions really matter? i mean to the horse, not the bookie. i'd like to know what the horse is actually thinking as he or she runs such a race. the horse must think we humans are locamente loco. all horses are Spanish.

Classic Empire is the morning-line favorite and he races BACKWARDS! that horse needs to balance on a ball and become the real-life James Baxter from Adventure Time. not performing for any circus, performing for himself and his own personal growth.

Patch! Patch! Patch! sentimental favorite! he has one eye. some tv experts full of horsemeat actually say that's an advantage for the little guy at the 20th Post. Patch can focus on the crowds like no other. man we're getting grotesque here.

CLICK HERE AND FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE HORSE ON THIS LIST WHO NEEDS A FOREVER STABLE

don't look at the stats, the numbers, the odds. or even the names. Gormley, aye? instead choose RANDOMLY.

do me a favor? nudge my eyebrow when the race is about to start, i will be sleeping in the haybarn.

happy weekend. vote, don't hack. your conscience is as long as a French love story set in the City of Lights. happy Cinco. happy Seis. cos Siete Ate Nueve.