BALL (BOWL) OF HATE: SUPER BOWL XLIX BLOG GAME, ANYONE CAN PLAY!!!

learned pregame:

* i'm just here so i can hopefully get paid for my writing one day, enough to pay fines.

* Tom Brady is dreamy. that's all that really matters.

* 49: XLIX: ex-lax, ex licks, ex-licks: you're gonna need ex-lax after all the bad pizza you ate to forget about your ex, the way your ex used to lick you, all you have now are memories, ex-licks. wait, pizza is like sex, there is no bad pizza.

* hey did you know that on Sunday they're actually gonna use the inflated balls to throw and pass and catch and hand off? from the coverage i had this picture in my mind of the game consisting of the refs carrying out 12 footballs to the middle of the field and inflating them at the same time, whichever ref fills it to the legal-standard psi the soonest wins the Super Bowl.

* the damage has already been done, they can't use footballs ever again. i like Dick Vitale's idea, use bars of soap, that would also give it that prison-yard feel i always thought football had anyway.

* these are the two most hated, arrogant franchises going at each other for the ultimate prize. if they were smart, they'd team up and take over the world, which is the real ultimate prize. nobody could stop them, not even Superman Cam Newton.

* Ballghazi: the real Ball of Hate is John Anderson from ESPN, but Lindsay Czarniak's flower has tempered him somewhat. it's hard to tell with John if it's all an act, he seems so friendly and downhome and whipsmart. it's the exact reason why i like David Letterman, you're just never sure...

* here's how it's gonna go down:

Brady will make it a point to throw Sherman's way, Brady ain't scared of nuttin save too-tight Uggs. Brady completes the pass over Sherman's head. Brady doesn't remember the infamous U MAD BRO? encounter with Sherman last time, Brady doesn't remember who started it or what was said but Brady will damn well finish it. so Brady will make sure the cameras are on his best side, both sides are his best side, and sets up for the counter-infamous shot of Brady returning the U MAD BRO? back at Sherman, but Sherman has his headphones on the whole time and misses everything.

* the way Bill (Belichick) the Science Guy droned on with his droning voice at that press conference with his science lecture about how atmospheric pressure affects balls, you'd think he was a boring high-school science teacher or something. Ben Stein. anyone, anyone? drones scare me.

* Katy Perry: i don't want to be that guy, but i liked her older stuff better, when she was still rebelling against her previous image. the best music comes from the pain of overanalyzing yourself, going against your inherited religion. as unfortunately happens every time, though, the one who bucks the establishment becomes the establishment. everyone loves "Firework", i love that it's singular, makes it different, but the song is clearly about the day the Illuminati took over the world in secret and they had a big celebration but had to keep it secret from the rest of the unsuspecting world so they only popped one firework quietly in an open field miles from civilization at the abandoned farmhouse where they hold their meetings.

* I'm In: that's what she said. seriously, though, i was the 12th man once, it's not as fun as you'd think...

* it is your patriotic duty as an American to root for the Patriots. only if you're a chickenhawk by the name of Henery Hawk can you root for the Seahawks.

it's easy to play! simply predict the score between the New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks this Sunday night. the winner of this blog game is the one who firstly picks the actual winning team and then is closest to the actual score. use my entry in the comments as a guide. the winner gets 3 comments from me to your blog and a free air pump. come back Monday and let's find out the winners together! it'll be less fun than the fun we're already gonna have together this weekend!!!

.