TMIT: WHERE ARE THE FLYING SKATEBOARDS? I WAS PROMISED FLYING SKATEBOARDS

1. 2014 is dunzo. excited for 2015? CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

2. 1 is completely disappointed and 10 is terribly excited. how was 2014 for you? how was your 2014 sex life? i don't make a distinction between life and sex life, it's all the same thing. it was good but it can always be better. always be better like the Dallas Cowboys. let's just say i was doing more than swallowing hamburgers at Burger King this year.

3. what were your big accomplishments this year? finally accepting that not all dreams come true.

4. did you keep any of your 2014 resolutions? i don't do any of that black-magic Illuminati shit.

5. biggest lesson learned in 2014?:

learned:

* my learned tv-show reviews get -1 views and no comments. but i do it for the love of writing. i suppose. seriously, though, the more you write a blog that only you know about, the more you get into trouble. the silence is fodder for the voices in your head to come out and introduce themselves to you...

6. what are you most proud of in 2014? FINALLY LEARNING THAT DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE!!!, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

7. how did you spend the majority of your free time in 2014? time doesn't exist, one must learn this to achieve true freedom, only then will one have free time. the free time to meditate on the nonexistence of time which has already been freed.

8. tell us something new you'd like to do or learn in 2015: how to live. Tony Robbins didn't take. i did the whole fire-walk thing, soles over hot coals, i was numb the entire experience, i didn't feel anything...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MY BABIES!!!

bonus: how was your 2014 sex life? a) great b) good c) not bad d) it'll do e) what's sex? "that'll do, pig, that'll do," she said to me. "Babe," i said. we unismiled and group-hugged, bumming an e-smoke. rays of sun were starting to trickle past the motel blinds...

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

.