TMIT: PLANES, TRAINS, AND THE DISNEYLAND MONORAIL

isn't that first pic from way up above there just the greatest glass-reflection thing you've ever seen in your life?

PLANES, TRAINS, AND CARS, wouldn't that have been a better title? no, AUTOMOBILES, yeah, that's better, that rolls off the tongue glisteningly.

1. do you have more sex or less when on vacation? the last time i was on vacation was when i was in my mother's womb, and let me tell 'ya, there was a party in there for those 9 months, hoboy!...it's exactly as depicted in Massive Attack's video for "Teardrop", exactly.

2. do you plan a vacation so you'll have an opportunity to have sex? that's the only reason to plan a vacation, i mean, what else are you gonna do, learn? many are in the Mile High Club, but only Betty and I are in the La Brea Tar Pits Club.

3. have you ever set up a vacation expressly for the purpose of sex? sure, that's what's known as a sex vacation. you go down to Brazil, on the beaches there, and wait for your soul mate to "accidentally" kick sand on your face. hasn't happened to me yet, but i go to Rio each year with that dream in mind. okay, i give, it's really a love vacation...

4. have you ever gone on a singles cruise or some other hookup-facilitating vacation? i don't mean to offend, but those things seem creepy to me, and that's saying something, it takes downright insanity to creep the Phoenix out. dunno, i look at those brochures and see all those people with perfect teeth smiling at me, they know about me and my troubles, they see me. maybe i'm just jealous that they still have all their original white teeth and i have a root-canal memory and a gold tooth.

5. have you fucked anywhere other than a car? planes, trains, cruise ships, bus? one time i was feelin' froggy after fucking at a Carl's Jr. bathroom that i whispered sweet nothings into the cute bus driver's ears on her route back to where i lived at the time. she got off her shift, she then got on her shift again, i paid my normal fare and she bus-rode me to that same Carl's Jr. and we fucked in the Carl's Jr. bathroom on her lunch break, I bus-rode her. that was the most filling lunch i'd ever eaten.

6. have you had outdoor sex on a skiing, camping, hiking, or boating vacation? i'm too poor to go skiing, though i love hot cocoa and the concept of ski bunnies. goths don't go camping, it's against their non-religion. the only hiking i enjoy is hiked-up skirts. and...well, you know what this one is gonna be...boating...yeah....motorboating...huge tits.

bonus: do you pack sex toys, lubes of 3.4 ounces or less, etc., when you fly? do you think about TSA finding them? has TSA ever found them and displayed them all out for the public to see and had you explain your sexual aids and your sexual tool? TSA didn't allow it, it was 3.5 instead of 3.4, that one-tenth destroyed my relationship. it wasn't lube, it was a very special bottle of perfume that is only mined for one day a year at the bottom of the ocean, scuba-divers have to suit up, it's called Eau de Furball, it was for my cat. now we've broken up...but we still live in the same house so it's tense.

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

.