HNT: DESIRE

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first, click on the Fortress of Solitude to finish growing the series



THEN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE




man reaches for the stars
and gets violently burned in the process
man reaches for the stars
wearing the latest in earthling technology
and discovers a further star
man reaches for that star
until his bones break
man induces labor to reach for the edge
a task for the children
man and his race explode
the edge is a bit farther away than first calculated

man reaches for the stars...



name a time in your life when DESIRE overwhelmed you, desire welled up in your heart so headily that it felt like bursting, like a morning heart attack and an early grave, a moment when your desire for something or someone nearly killed you...then really killed you



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PORN LESSONS: IN THE HEAT OF NORTHERN ARIZONA

CLICK HERE: WARNING!!! NSFW PORN





learned:

* night vision isn't only for the military anymore!

* dude's got an impressive dong. mind you, i'm not regularly in the habit of checking out guys' packages, really i'm not, but y'know, credit where credit is due

* it appears she has to vocalize whether she likes it, whether she feels it, or it doesn't register with him

* it's okay, the friend just wants to crash, he's tired, i've checked his eyelids, he ain't faking, you just go on fucking while he gets his forty winks, big test tomorrow...now YOU two don't start faking while you're fucking, ya herd me?

* what? no cum shot? *game show sound: WAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH*






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HNT: MY, MY, WHAT A BIG EGO YOU HAVE!

*CLICKY CLICKY*



first, click on ol' school for #3 in the series

THEN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE


more grand hip-hop syrup



the ego, whether discovered in compton
and stretched out until a brussels mansion
will be superseded by a superego that pops out
during your honeymoon in paris.
the moral lesson,
my precious babies,
is that poetry is a dead art form
and that, just maybe,
one can start living again
when he throws away all the haze
associated with psychoanalysis texts
and decides to be free of the Theory.




recount a time when a big ego ruined YOUR life...





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FAP HOUSE = WORD OF THE DAY

nope, not THOSE pics

BUT CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY

hand lotion and the fap houses go down easier when presented in animated form. add a couple sound effects, and your laughing drowns out your frown.

PORN LESSONS: DORM BANNER DAY

for me, porn is educational, not pleasurable. yeah, that's it. when i sit down to partake of a random skin vid on the ol' puter, i take my notes with me, scribbling down furiously pointers i can use in my own experience, pointers which make my pencil so pointy from all the writing that i am too pointed to make a point. this particular vid is a favorite among the Community, and it's certainly a favorite of mine:

CLICK HERE. WARNING: NSFW PORN

so, let's see what we've learned here, professor:

learned:

* if you're really going for it and wear nothing but heels in bed, you might as well make them clear heels

* when a girl says "i love you" as she's sucking your cock, the ONLY response back is "i love you, too". if you don't try to get cute or clever with the answer back, the proceedings will continue onwards swimmingly towards climax. any other pun or play on words will get you bitten. this is NOT the time for wordplay!

* buddy, she wants you to pull her hair, you can pull harder than that! pull as if your life insurance is on the line

* you know you're in a good situation when she slaps you in the face hard and calls you "dirty boy". that's the universal sign of a good time

* as you're about to cum inbetween her ass cheeks there, make a game out of it. i dunno, pretend her crack is on fire, and your hose is the only water in town. quickly, quickly, put out the fire!!!




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THE FLIP HAS BEEN SWITCHED

my journey into true nihilism begins. last night, while skimming the ol' internet puter box for some theatre pics, i accidentally landed on a pic of a beautiful woman i used to know from college. there she was, silky long blonde hair, in her piratess costume on stage turning around to show the lucky audience her perfect face, livid blue eyes, knowing grin which exposed a slight buck tooth. she was the One, the last girlfriend, the only girlfriend, except she never was my girlfriend. i caught the love of my life in bad timing, motherfucking, satanic, the-fates-are-against-me bad timing. if only we had attended that same acting class when she was between boyfriends, let me tell you, if that were so, i would be blissfully unaware of such damaging terms as BLOG, MESSAGEBOARD, FOLLOWERS, and COMMENTS. the eternal list wouldn't exist, the late phoenix would be dead on arrival, and i would live life without having to blog each excruciating detail through a stupid anonymous online persona. i remember my heart rending the day she told me about her boyfriend, i even met him one time, well i spotted him through the trees, i snuck down out of sight while the two were talking. there he was, just your normal everyday dude with a beard. it's funny, he seemed so lackadaisical about the fact that this gorgeous creature was his, he just joked with her boringly while eating pizza, i wonder if he knew he had MY lifetime happiness in his slippery hands. fuck. y'know, if i had cried last night, it would have been pussy, but it would have been easier...instead, other feelings crawled into my psyche, from deadness to disaffectation to misery to dread to hopelessness to fear. i've come a long way down from the person i was then, i still had glimmers of hope back then, and real human emotion. now i'm really just a zombie, devoid of anything basic that would resemble a human's experience. the last thing i noticed about this pic was cruel, it was taken at some distance, so her face was very small and almost blurred and obscured, that wonderful face which guided me to my first blush of love, that should have been as big as the sun for everyone to see. see, as the years go by, i have forgotten how her face actually looks like, i think i remember all her features, but it isn't really how her face was, y'know? y'know how the mind can play tricks with you like that, huh? that's all i'm left with, the memory of her angelic face, and an internet photo of her small, tiny face.

HNT: ONE...OR TWO? WON'T DO

*CLICKY CLICKY*





first, click on the correct choice, which is to exit altogether, for #2 in the series



THEN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE


HIP-HOP BEATS AT THEIR FINEST




if you go for one,
you've won
if you settle for two
you're through




name an instance in your life when having one of something was better than having two





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SEALY, PART TWO

FIRST, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE



remember this commercial from the Super Bowl? i remember seeing this and thinking to myself, "i'm glad i live in a world where such a commercial exists, it makes me happy in my naughty places, it makes be proud to be a human." this is how it always should be, waking up with the promise of seeing a commercial like this, a promise to think about and discuss AFTERGLOW. yeah, this is the stuff that makes life worth living.

i recall that right after seeing this, i forgot totally about the football game and tranced out into my own little world. as i ruminated about AFTERGLOW, i proceeded to the kitchen for an afternoon snack. there, i opened the rickety cupboard door and pulled out some graham crackers. my mommy always used to feed me graham crackers and milk whenever i had a thought boner, but now that i'm all grown up, Mommy provides for me some Adult Chocolate Milk, baby! yummy yummy for eternal tummy:


CLICK HERE AND SAVOR




what's the one thing you always find yourself doing during YOUR afterglows?





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HNT: TRIBUTE

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first, click on the pumps to pump up the series



SECOND, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE




the song has a WINTER WONDERLAND vibe, huh?

you've been tasked with arranging your friend's funeral. you

A) keep it light and airy, make it more of a party than a wake, fill the atmosphere with good food, healthy drink, clean ale, and dirty beer.

B) decide to go in the exact opposite direction and make it as somber, bleak, and respectful as possible. you get in only if you've known the deceased for at least ten years, you must wear all black from head to toe, men must wear top hat and tails, women must wear skirts that go down to their ankles and a veil. black ties only. gray tie for you, sir? well, okay, i'll let you in this time only because i like your sad face. uh, madam, the one with the short, tight skirt hugging your ass? yeah, sorry, you must leave, this is an occasion to get down on your knees to pray, not to get down on your knees, ya mean? oh, i didn't see your face clearly the first time i spoke to you...yeah, nevermind, you can stay...meet you at seven afterwards for some pub pretzels?

C) strive for it to be the funnniest funeral you can make it. you try so hard to avoid the messy topic of death and eternal loss that you get serious, seriously fucking hilarious. the only patrons you let in are those who can tell a dirty joke that makes sense. no knock-knock jokes, i'll knock you out on your butt. no racist jokes, what do you think this is, a typical Tuesday? observation humor? beat Seinfeld and you're in...we are gonna LAUGH, people, life is funny, we are gonna chuckle away our problems if it kills us

D) study up on the Forever 27 Club and decide to cancel the funeral and work on perfecting that one musical riff which is gonna lead to that perfect song which will land you atop the charts and prepare you to join the Forever 27 Club...and let someone else deal with your funeral, like that pub 'n' pretzels babe

WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?




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SEALY, PART ONE

FIRST, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE






don't know about you, but let me sign up for the WE LOVE part of this mattress commercial. what is your favorite thing to do on a SEALY tm all rights reserved copyright mattress?


:O


stay tuned next week for SEALY tm all rights reserved copyright part 2





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