THE MEANING OF LIFE ON EARTH: PROM IS CANCELED

 

Priest-Principal: the prom is closed. shut. the prom was becoming too suggestive, you know? i've had to reopen Notre Dame and file all the girls back in there like pushing sardines back into the tin. 

Jen R: it's true what they say, change really does take time.

Priest-Principal: now what am i gonna do on my lonely Wednesday nights? 

me: you could try teaching a class here.

Priest-Principal: yeah you're right, earn my keep, earn my silence. earning my monastic silence so there are no more noisy kids in my life. i've always been a fan of science. i have an old Macmillan telescope from the '80s but it doesn't work anymore with the Milky Way because it's a gas telescope...

Maggie Gyllenhaal leading the hosts and audience of The View to scream during the commercial break: wasn't that cathartic? i got a lot out. i got a lot out of that. i wanted to wear my brother's bunny suit...

math in a wood classroom: you only look cool doing math if you have a big bushy beard.

Lucy Teale: seal the deal with Teale? nah, no fuckfests in Scotland ever since the raves were closed and shut for covid. speaking of teal, i was blue during this time, i might have done a couple sketchy things. i kinda faked my own suicide, not for numbers, to see if the acting lessons were working!!! i need to be in that live-action Storm Hawks movie. the modeling dried up. never be a model in Inverness. and then i met Steejo. well i met Kakashi. and i got a castle.

Maika Monroe: i should have been Marilyn Monroe's granddaughter...

Pope Bob: i would poo in the woods if the Swiss Guard would let me. leave a middle-aged man alone to crap in a forest!!!

Roger Federer in Swiss Guard uniform: i thought that was chocolate...

Red Shoe Diaries: the ultimate soap opera.

Zalman King: a soap opera with DANCE!!!

Patrick Surtain II: yes those were my real Popeye arms...

One Piece live-action: here's to giving EVERYTHING a second chance...

dogs: we sound like seagulls at night.

Candy Crush: because there's nothing more depressing than being at a bus stop at 11PM at night...

Adam on the school fresco: i wasn't giving the finger to God...

Randa pulls up in the school parking lot on a bicycle riding it upside-down with his hands on the seat smoking a cigarette. Randa had a charisma to him people called Jesus-like. he was big and hulking like a Hulk who was gangly and uncoordinated. he had lips like a baby's bottom. he "said" he played volleyball but he didn't really. he looked like the Italian Green Giant. he looked like if Roy Paranzuela took after his dad more...

Randa: people don't create anymore, they just react.

Jen R: wow. i fainted.

Randa: i'm technically smoking on school grounds. a real cigarette, my dad's Marlboro, not a cheap soggy Lucky Strike anybody can get at the drugstore. i'm Lucio but COOL.

Lucio Rossi: oh yeah tough guy? prove it. 

Randa: my black hair is naturally disheveled, i don't need to treat it. i'm wearing a rain robe. my Grinch socks have holes in them but that's a sign i'm rich, not poor!!! 

Jen: like picture him on a yacht with those Grinch socks on.

Randa: i'm fixed cool, not forced cool. 

Jen: not random. although that boysenberry Slice in your bicycle cupholder is a random soda.

Lucio: okay tough guy, say something cool.

Randa: we didn't have a pop quiz today. 

me: pop test?

Randa: no it was a test but a small test, like a quiz, more like a quest. we went on a journey.

me: damn i'll never be cool.

Priest-Principal: a journey of religious learning?

Ms. Krause: are Catholics allowed to do math? Randa is on the fast track to being on an episode of Small Wonder. 

Randa: bring your knapsack on a stick, the train leaves in an hour.

Priest-Principal: okay. alright. you've convinced me. someone as cool as Randa deserves to be at a prom. i'm uncanceling the prom. against the wishes of The Pope.

Pope Bob: reimburse me for the pizza money you stole from my wallet!!!