TMIT: IS IT OUT YET?

1. what curse word do you use the most? AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!!!

2. would you rather take a picture or be in a picture?

i want to take a picture of me that shows me when i was older. thanks, Mitch, we'll never forget you, you were the thinking man's comedian.

3.  has anyone ever called you lazy? no. i'm a prime candidate for it don't get me wrong, they would have but they were too lazy to call me that. they had their condemnation of me all ready in a long long-worded email that was ripe to be sent, but they fell asleep before they could push the send key button...

4. have you ever dated or slept with a neighbor? how did things turn out?

i'm not proud of this but yes. he was a cool bro i hung out with---not that hung---we went to baseball games together, even played on the same baseball team with, Minor League.

well his mom actually, i slept with his mom. she was anything but, she was major leagues. all the neighborhood wanted to sleep with her, she was very popular. the neighborly thing to do as you know is of course to knock on the vented door in the morning breakfast to exchange pies, it's a nice way to introduce yourself and keep things civil, especially if there are no fences, so a different war doesn't break out every week. keep sending those pies over for world peace. but after he found out, my friend sent me a pie with a suspicious hole indentation in it down the center.

i asked him once, why is your name Stifler? he said cos everyone who visited his mom got one, even the women. i asked him if he thought everyone was piling on and making fun of him, taunting him with that nickname. he shrugged it off superconfidently and chose to view it as a badge of honor. Stifler's mom was such a nice woman.

5. have you ever broken up with a significant other then "cheated" with that same person while they were in a relationship with someone else?

is that considered cheating, technically? or is that legal revenge? that's how people interact these days, that's how people meet. i remember my aunt who wore a headdress even inside the roof of her beige rainbow flaming unicorn hippie van she used to drive me around Yuma with, around every single cactus in the state. she called herself a polyamorous free spirit who didn't want to be tied down, but i was too young then to understand the bearing of that descriptor word free. also it turns out she actually DID like to be tied down. i miss her. while i was sleeping one night, she flew into the sky on her butter wings and became a Goddess...

BONUS: tell us something good.

well Apple is no longer in the business of making iphones, the next iphone will be the last. Apple has moved on to making it possible for we humans to communicate telepathically. involves an earbud that looks like an apple seed with the Apple logo on it microscopically put on with a soldering iron. Tim Apple designed the tech one day when he got fed up and frustrated playing hoops with Christian Laettner on his apple farm, Tim wanted a way in to finally understand what the U.S. and China were REALLY doing.

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