GAUZY

notes:

* is it a duck or is it a rabbit? or is it a both? or is it a neither? no, it is Nordy the Nordstrom Mascot you never knew you knew.

* gauzy: that was the number-one word scribbled on the lined index cards to describe this longform commercial of everyone who participated at the focus group behind closed windows and see-through doors. Management was pleased with the test results, and gave each a Nordy plush at the end of it. interestingly everyone used just the lead part of the pencil, no wood.

* okay, i've officially switched allegiances from Macy's to Nordstrom. don't tell Cory.

* sorry, i wasn't listening to you, i was looking at you.

* okay i'm feeling sad now. i should be at an auduiton and not doing this...

* pro-tip: go to an acting class that takes place during the DAY. you'll encounter more interesting people...

* E.T.: i want to have a human experience...i actually hate chocolate but i played along...

* reading a book outside makes the book better-written. horses HATE having to take a bath just to make the cowboy look cool.

* teacher: who are you in this sculpture?
Michelangelo: i'm the block of granite. it's not a block of Ivory soap i checked and ate some of it. thank god my leader didn't do infrastructure first or i couldn't do my art.
Elliott: looking back, i should never have worn that red hoodie, really made me spotable to police.

* swim instructor: stay with the backstroke, liability and such.
swimmer: 23, 24...
swim instructor: so i don't know how to swim but i know how to teach.

* student: okay, if i roll snake-eyes, i'm going to USC...

* mother: is that a big fashion-bag purse you're taking to class?
daughter: it's a basketball, mom, a basketball on a strng. i'm a Varsity athlete.
mother: nothing to do with Varsity Blues i promise.
daughter: why do you always sign to me?
mother: cos i cry everytime i start to speak.

* here, in this class, passing notes is encouraged. necessary even to connect us all.

* dramaturg: i know these look like pews but this is a nondenominational acting class.
actors: hello, we are Name and we are an alcoholic.
dramaturg: yes, actors, same thing. coffee and donuts will be served in those pews after.

* that feather had an arrowtip on it!!!

* bro: why you nervous?
bowtie: if i don't get this audition, i have to live in this neighborhood with you forever. no offense.
bro: homeboys for life. literally.

* Grandma: don't steal my sunglasses, grandson! i wasn't sleeping!!! i don't sleep anymore! i need these sunglasses for inside the mansion you know that!

* Grandpa: shouldn't you be cutting grass, young sprout?
sprout: my sunglasses are cooler than yours, old man. because your generation didn't do anything about the environment and climate change, we can't make any more new cars and have to strut around on lawnmower cars. great for picking up awkward promposals tho.

* teacher: that's it, growl like a lion.
student: i'm growling ike a Hobbit.
teacher: oh no, i thought we had weeded all you guys out.
student: you will never stop the weed.
teacher: don't be a strident student. i'm a dramaturg, i went to Harvard. before there was photoshop. i never thought my destiny would be to prepare young people for cosplay cons.

* --can i borrow your red dress?
---can i borrow your red wine?

* i went to Kappa. not a fraternity, the Mario Turtle thing, where i learned to karate like a Power Ranger.

* never wear headphones on a bus, you miss interesting and wacky human conversations.

* the ballet step is only learned after pointing your toes down on public-bathroom tile.

* mirror? or clone?

* black punkette who reads graphic novels: is that a rodeo lariat or are you pervy like me?
cowboy: big fan of Wonder Woman, ma'am.

* pastor: i don't know what this means, but the atheist in our group had the best church-choir voice. most heavenly reverb carried in that honey voice.
drummer: it's still weird to have a drums set in a church choir. my idol was Anne Murray not John Bonham.

* HELP! MY GREY BUSINESS SUIT! IT'S STUCK! TOO MUCH STARCH!!!

* theatre group: can we move now? can we move again? are we unstuck?
dramaturg: UNFUCK YOURSELF. that's always a good life hack.

* Louis Armstrong: i admit it, the fat Hawaiian dude with the ukulele's cover is better than my original.

* i'm that really old lady who only became famous in her 80s and can now wear pink feather boas down New York City streets and sashay without cracking my bones all fall apart. i wear sunglasses only inside mansions and i design Groucho-glasses for Great Danes. you don't know who i am, you never did all throughout my career, but you should. get to know me, i'm one of the eccentrics.

* dramaturg: YEAH! *clap* that was a great battle.
Hobbit: *puts PokeBall away in his back jeans pocket* hey, do you guys want to go see the Tolkien movie with me tonight?
troupe: is it a LOTR movie?
Hobbit: no, it's about the life of the writer himself, JRR.
troupe: nah.

* dramaturg: an open mind is the best look.
Pinhead: i tried that...
dramaturg: that's not what i meant, Pinhead!!!
Pinhead: mate...classmate...umbrella...i'm not acting here...

* drama teach: you blinked, your scholarship is rescinded.
acting-class student: but i'm 80 years old!!!

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happy weekend, my babies. i returned my strawberry shake from Carl's Jr.'s cos it didn't make me shake.