Monday, January 28, 2019


that's a Whole Lotta Love. or perhaps Two Halves of Love. Robert faceplanted when the cheeky photographer asked him to show her his good side.

1. what makes you feel unloved?

when my priest goes on and on in the confessional box about how he's so much better than the Pope and how his father didn't love him that's why he became a Father.

i didn't want to interrupt the sacred ceremony but i asked him once

me: whom do you love?
priest: it's Who. always God.
me: do you ever get lonely?
priest: nah. i get to order from all the fancy restaurants for free NOT using GrubHub Seamless. i get free chicken at Popeye's! sure they won't let me near an auction house anymore, but that was Banksy's fault! i punched him sure but he wasted a million dollars! that money could have been used to help Venezuela and then I'D be doing a better job than Pope Francis! i'd get the credit!
me: isn't fame a sin?
priest: only if you don't feel guilty about it.
me: what's your message to depressed teens who pray but still feel depressed?
priest: look how beautiful those clouds are...

2. what is the one act that a person can do that makes you feel loved?

drive me thru a drive-thru. see i'm deathly afraid of cars so driving is mystical to me. i know you're expecting me to say a home-cooked meal. heart stomach thing, right? so is my beloved. she insists on cooking for me, she speaks of a secret ancestral recipe that only a few people who ever lived on top of the world know, passed down by her frail grandmother who was the only survivor of the War of the Vines. she chides me everytime i eat Red Vines. i'm sure her egg rolls are very good and tasty and crispy and crunchy, and cooked in no oil, but i simply have to know how Jack In The Box does eggrolls, you know? and there's something about that colorful yellow greasy paper it comes in, one simply must use that wrapper as a napkin around one's neck. i mean i'm sure the Jack In The Box eggrolls will taste like...eggrolls...but who knows. extra dipping sauce.

3. what kind of music do you find romantic? now i'm gonna cry. when i saw Rent Live last night, took me back. to when i still had a chance. Berkeley. my first introduction to real serious theatre, you know? i was thinking of switching my major from English to Theatre...which really isn't that much of a stretch, is it? too bad you can't major in Theatre Nerd. i read a lot of the work of gay luminaries of the stage age, Angels In America and the like, and my folks back home were getting worried...not that i might be gay, which would have made my life easier i suppose, especially over there, but that i was wasting away their huge sums of rich-stuff money and my time sleeping in campus libraries and searching for One-Eyed Willy's doubloons...

4. what do you find utterly unromantic? when the least among us never get the chance. you can tell all the AV Club writers were once hopeful theatre majors/geeks with stars in their eyes ready to take on Broadway with their illustrative talents. but they missed it by THAT much. so they have to settle for commenting on productions they'd rather be in. it's just not fair. i have a friend whose frail grandmother was in the official Annie cast on Broadway in the '80s all of whose red hair has since fallen out and turned white cos she could never live up to the legacy. she writes for Daily KOS out of necessity and a paycheck. she keeps harping on in her texts to me about how she wants to write for The Daily Show instead and what the fuck is a KOS!!?

5. what thing did you find out about your significant other that you decided to look past and go for a relationship? the culture-war thing. i fight all my battles with lightsabers, which, well, let's face it isn't very effective. look, it's never gonna be perfect, perhaps your soul mate comes from a place you despise and spit on, but what are you gonna do? you know? she's still your soul mate, gotta make it work.

adult swim is right, there needs to be an emoji of a kissing yellow face with his eyebrows on fleek but turned down to indicate

your recent actions have me troubled but overall i value our relationship

bonus: in your life, is romance dead? yes, Romeo is bleeding. however romance isn't dead in life itself, just my life, so for my purposes and porpoises and all intensives, it is, cos if it's dead in my life, it's dead for i can't experience life in any other way but through me...Luigi on the other hand got his grubby hands on a healing potion and repaired his wounds with a grand thread sewing together all the parts and went to a tropical desert island with a yellow hat and a McAfee hammock. Luigi's always been jealous (and healous) of all the credit Mario gets.


No comments: