Friday, September 16, 2016

BURGER WARS




let's settle this once and for all:

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not good for artist types

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she does look healthy but i need more than babes these days. and you know that bar is missing a sneezeguard.

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the first mascot didn't work out. he was cutting into profits by eating the merchandise. and he stole that bike from "his good friend" Ronald. turns out he wasn't a mascot at all but one of the colorful homeless characters who lined the streets in those days before the War. Vinny the Vagrant they called him. pleasant most of the time just don't call him short.

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here is a decisive victory for Burger King. Dan Cortese is my hero. Dan Cortese taught me how to be a '90s man. i wasn't sure flipping my Dodgers cap backwards would be cool, it felt kinda funny, but Dan assured me it was. later i had no problems when i applied for my first job as a mechanic.

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no babe's gonna get me to switch. even with the taboo factor and everything.

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are you kidding me? McDonald's pulls way ahead! you think you can come in here and evoke the lonely Sunday afternoons out of my nostalgic heart and not suffer any consequences?

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McDonald's wins. it's pizza. it's pizza. there's a hopeless, melancholic tinge to this commercial. but it's pizza.

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there is something very unusual here. why doesn't Burger King put ketchup under each of its three patties? why leave the triple patty dry like that?

final tally...don't know the exact score but McDonald's is the declared victor going away. what's this? Burger King has a final hail-mary to throw?

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winner: Burger King

have a flame-broiled weekend











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