MY FAVORITE THING TO DO

Cotard snaps a twig off the frontyard property that's half-grey, half-green and chews on it as he makes a zigzag-pattern knock all over the front door.

Cotard: first time noticing all the dense shrubbery here. perfect hiding spot in the middle of the city.

Binny: he's here! he's here! hear that? a man!

Cotard (startled): sorry sorry i saw the shrub berry and it looked so sweet.

Quinny (to Binny): oh shush, not for you i can assuredly assume. oh it's Cotard! strange.

Quinny opens the door. then the heavy grey screen.

Quinny: don't you know we've got a big errand today?

Cotard: who knew a small cat would be so much trouble.

the kitten jumps on top of the front door the moment it's opened and stares at the monk with her bug eyes.

Cotard: girl it's your deadbeat dad come back home from the battlefield. where's my parade of licks, girl?

kitten: *nothing*

Binny: you're too late! she's ours now! you didn't pay child support on time! we went to court! we don't want her but she can't get enough of us. understandable. never knew how much more trouble girls are than boys, your parents never tell you these things. at first you want the girl cos she's gonna be softer, calmer, but then the crazy comes.

Cotard: i had a feeling i'd be right on time for the spay. i can take her from here. a million thanks.

Quinny: nonsense, we're family in the grandest sense of the word. well come on in, it's colder inside.

Cotard sits down on the floor then gets up to shake the hand of Yayray, who's been playing dice by the corner.

Cotard: hello young man, how are you holdin' up? don't answer that, i know for a fact you're doing better than me.

Yayray: just man.

Cotard: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yayray was squeezing Cotard's hand with a crushing handshake.

Yayray: shit, sorry, pray dude.

Cotard: it's okay, it's alright, i like that, you actually don't know your own strength as opposed to those who just say that but do. well you've obviously been doing something illegal.

Binny: come, sit a spell. we've got gray tea and italian beefs.

Quinny (scoffs): pshhh yeah you've got italian beefs alright.

Cotard (finishing the food and drink quickly): i enjoyed that immensely, thank you from my broken heart. it's one thing to sustenance yourself, quite another to sustain yourself with friends. when it comes to pleasure, i cannot exceed this right here.

Binny: but you do every night under the covers.

.....

Binny puts her arm around Cotard.

Binny: these are the jokes, congregants. that's your line. buddy what's wrong?

Cotard: thank you, that was funny.

Quinny: it's not funny when the person responds "that's funny" instead of laughing. how's your tripping?

Cotard: sorry i've been distracted for a long time. i cut my trip short because i couldn't take it anymore down there. horrible scene, hopeless. and you're the one that is there to provide hope. it's hopeless. funnily, planes have completely disappeared off the news radar now that the next grand disaster is here. who would have thought that would have happened when we were in the middle of the 24-hour cockpit-door media blitz. if it's not broadcast, it never happened. ah Mount Everest, you must always respect the best. the mountain is the highest, not the human who climbs her, no human can ever be that high, only high. nature wins in the end, just ask the frenzied flying birds.

Binny: that hellfire pussy of yours is quite a piece of work. she left us scared.

Quinny: and scarred. poor baby.

Binny: every time she stopped moving we knew she was gonna lift that cute leg of hers and the three of us would gather around her in a circle as she would add to the low-lying smell of pee that pervades this home and lightly stains our clothes and ever-so-gently enters the pores of our bodies. you can't quite rub it off, you use tons of soap but it's still there slightly. and yes, she did it every time on cue. she loves the show. she is gonna be quite the actress, a favorite of producers cos you know she'll never miss an audition, she's always be on time. acting is like 90% punctuality, the rest you fake.

Quinny: our home has become a house of horrors full of white sheets everywhere. this has become pussy's personal pee palace.

Yayray raises his hand pronouncedly and says: i don't mind the smell. well not anymore. i suppose after awhile anyone can get used to anything.

Cotard: so how do you do it? how do you manage erryday? what helps you pull through and survive?

Binny: the trick is not to let her craziness rub off on you. i ignore a lot of things, it really does work. while she's peeing on a priceless pillow of mine i immediately avert my eyes to my typing.

Cotard: you do know there's no paper on your typewriter spools, right?

Yayray checks his phone and stats and starts scrolling down his instagram. he comes upon the latest in a myriad of motivational sayings which have flooded the site recently. this one reads: B, IF I FUCK YOU, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, BEA? he turns off his phone with glee.

Yayray: i think i've had enough, there's nowhere else to go. but in a different direction. up. i want to be known for other things, things which cannot be memed easily. i want to do things, i feel it inside me.

Yayray takes the red game cup, rolls the dice in it around, and flips the cup over one last time. two dice spill out, two die, two girls one cup. oh, sorry, rather it's two dice and one

SMALL BEIGE PEBBLE WITH CRYPTIC WRITING ON IT, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK.

Cotard: i've seen those markings before. yeah those park-chess videos where the funny old man finds a stone similar to that one while he's feeding the pigeons, he goes bonkers talkin bout CIA conspiracies and how wax paper is better for spills than tin foil anyway, got a million views and likes instantly but only one person made it a favorite video of theirs. but he never ate the thing.

Yayray eats the beige pebble with the writing before Cotard finishes his latest sentence.

Cotard's eyes widen. so do the aunts'. the kitten turns around to face the boy with her crazy eyes, they are already widened as far as they can go.

Yay's eyes flash yellow for just a second. he raises his hand and points it at the kitten. the kitten's tummy area shines yellow and she collapses down off the door.

the aunts gasp.

Cotard: y'know watching one of these online, it's not the same, you really have to experience it live in cramped quarters, it's an arena football game to be sure.

the kitten falls into a deep sleep on the floor but not before she takes a nearby blanket and covers herself with it.

kitten: ew, it's still wet! i am so sorry for everything all, couldn't help it.

Cotard: well it's time to head out. i've always had a knack for knowing when it's time to leave a place. kid, i'd be more impressed with all of this but my depression is deadening my senses, it's the darndest thing.

Quinny: Ray Ray we need to talk about this but right now we have to leave for the vet.

Binny: i'm not believing what i just saw. boy you dealin' again? i thought our drug talk was strong but apparently you and the drugs were stronger. gotta get online and check out a mommy blog to really tell me what to do, i need to read real talk.

Yayray: guys that was Fun Dip. and it was one time. in kindergarten. Lik-M-Aid? the kitty isn't dead, just sound asleep, she needs the sleep desperately. a lot. we all do. but then we have to really wake up afterwards. we don't need to go to the vet, i spayed her instantly with my power. you'll see, she'll wake up calmer and suddenly more mature about things.

Quinny: i think i'm gonna have a talk with the vet first before we leave, this seems unusual.

Quinny phones the vet but she is busy having triplets.

Cotard: whatever needs to be done i'll take her...but let her sleep first. i can stay. oh no i can't, i think i need to perform a Mass or something now back at the spirit shack.

Cotard perches the sleeping kitty perfectly on his shoulder, touches everyone's shoulder and makes his way one inch to the front door.

Cotard (to Yayray): kid, just don't become a pirate. parrots are not meant to be on shoulders, only kittens are. (to the aunts) so how did you gals manage with this feline fireball?

Quinny: every time she did something wrong, i kissed her on the forehead.

Binny (mood whiplash): not quite. every time she did something, we kissed her on the forehead. the boy, too. the boy especially.

Yayray smiles knowingly, saying: love that munchkin. i understand her.

the aunts beam wide grins which are eating nothing.

Cotard tries to smile but can't. outwardly. but he does so internally.

Yayray: so pops, what's her name for heaven's sake?!

Cotard (opening the door then pulling it back, then looking up at the perch where the kitty was on top of the door and playing with his beard so much it tangles his fingers into it and knots his beard): hmmmm...........i got it.............Kiss............

........i mean it was either Kiss or Forehead, so.....