ROAD TO MY FINAL ACT

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above on the lonely...."The Lonely" Twilight Zone episode for my chest again, it's the holidays, i'm lazy, sorry





                what i remember most about the snow was how it pelted you on the way sideways, the driving force which carried it, fueled by an angry beast down below the rubble, turning the pristine white into rocks of coarse pain. the weather didn't reflect my mood, i controlled the weather, perception is reality and i controlled the weather, my fear pierced through the staid sky and was creating these unmanageable winds.

                 i got on my motorcycle and BOUNDED AWAY, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK. i had always wanted to do this, i thought about all the permutations in my head of how i was going to do this, and then y'know how one day it just happens, the day comes slinkily to your mind's doorstep and the time for thinking is done. you're never done thinking, it's just that your body moves today. it's never the right time, never the right situation, never want to be leaving behind friends, but your body moves onto the seat and you speed off without a map.

                i made sure to leave at 2AM so i'd have the straight long road all to myself, not for poetic purposes, although it painted quite the beautiful scene, but because i actually had things to do for the first time in twenty years, i had to find things, store things, put things into boxes, make sure all my affairs were in order, i never had an affair, that was the problem.

                 looking at my book, not my manual, there is no such thing as a manual, but my dimestore-psychology book, it says the first thing to do is to make sure the people around you are happy and healthy and comforted and know and are accounted for and thanked with gifts. i'm poor, always have been, that was another problem, so my "gifts" will be my belongings.

                   it was hard to tell, but as i sped away on my bike, i felt a small tear form and race away from my cheek. this is significant because it means i'm still human despite everything i've gone through which hardened me into a dull, soulless robot. then again, it could have just been the wind. but what will i be after?

                   i feel i have to do this. i want to do this, i've dreamed about this, i wanted so badly for this to be my destiny that my blood turned blue. i don't understand this. i desperately cling to this. i don't want to do this. i don't understand it. i want to understand it deeply. my cells are begging me for a change, they want another frame of reference, they want to look up from another perspective.

                     i reached there about lunchtime or so, made good time. they were all there, all gathered there like a drum circle ready for the intervention. but this wouldn't be an intervention, not one that would work anyway, this would be a conversation.




TO BE CONTINUED....






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