TMIT: RESOLUTIONS? I WANT TO FUCK HOT BABES MORE...

PIC 3 from top: man but do i want X FILES to come back...in some capacity...whether a new series or another okay-not-brilliant-but-decent-kinda-subpar-but-alright film...the Truth is out there, but it's taking a long-ass time to come by the Truth...also, "24" movie...yeah, let's go...my adrenaline is tanking...especially after seeing Jack Bauer in Melancholia off himself, i need to be jarred the other way.

1. any strip poker in your life? strip spin-the-bottle? any resultant nudity? details please: well since you said please so nicely, i'll spill. no...i mean, maybe in college, every good and bad thing ever happened to me in college...i probably did, but was too *green* to remember, i was taking a massive amount of late-night environmental classes...while stoned off my ass. oh, there was this one time i played strip naked seven-minutes-in-heaven...the maid was cleaning the closet at the time...that's how we met...

2. did Naked Twister lead to anything further?

Timmy: Jimmy, i'm ready to poo.

Jimmy: what? i'm having my oatmeal over here, whaddaya want?

Timmy: Jimmy, it's time for me to poo...remember what we talked about?

Jimmy: oh come on, wait 'til i have my grapefruit juice first.

Timmy: i'm gonna poo! i can't wait! it's coming!

...oh...that's...this off-Broadway one-act play i created during the break...still working on it...um, naked Twister? no, i don't do that stuff, even regular Twister, the rules of that game are too complicated for my small peanut brain to grasp.

3. did Truth or Dare ever lead to nudity or fondling? nudity, no. fondling, yes. i was big into Madonna in those days, still am, but this was during her Truth or Dare days. i was engaging in some heavy pop-culture wordplay with my bespectacled friend Norbert. Norbert wasn't a geek, just misunderstood. five squirrel-licks later, there's me having to dress in a Madonna leotard, fondling Norbert...'s hair, touching Norbert's hair, messing it up, ol' Norbert hated when people played with his finely-coiffed hair.

4. key parties, recount: ah, key parties, a staple of the '70s. i wasn't quite of age to partake in them, but i did live them in a way. one word, one movie title: The Ice Storm, PIC 4 from top. yep, Sigourney Weaver, a '70s key party, as groovy as it gets. y'know, that movie was one of the first i rented from this place which was run by a cool mustachioed lawyer and his hot after-goth babe employee at the counter, one of the first places i staked my stakes in when i moved to this area. yeah, that's around the time i started getting serious about movie-watching, i was done with the popcorn summer blockbusters, i wanted to start watching and studying films, not movies, the stuff that are studied in film classes, the foreign stuff by the legends, the obscure indies, i wanted to get lost in that stuff, it hurts a pop-culture maven writer like myself when his source of material is limited because he hasn't seen a certain film and thus misses the reference that everyone else gets at a party, y'know...a key party.

5. unexpected co-ed skinny dipping in a group? skinny-dipping, yea. unexpected, no. what was unexpected was the doody that was floating around in the pool, some dude yelled DOODY!!! and all of us babes and studs had to flee the scene completely naked and scamper across the golf course late at night like chickens with our heads cut off. later, i'm not so offended by doody as my friends were, so i decided to eat the doody...no biggie, 'twas but a candy bar...yea, you've caught me, thanks to the fine folks at Netflix, i just watched last night Caddyshack, the good version of the film, the uncut, uncensored version, i give it three thumbs up...i have three thumbs.

bonus: do you have a favorite fantasy about a sexy party? share now: well, there's what actually happens at a party for me these days, and then there's the fantasy, the fantasy is always more luscious, the fantasy involves a threesome with two blogger friends of mine, one who is taking a dangerous plane ride to promote her art, i find that so admirable and hot, and the other who i'm fighting with currently...hopefully, we can make amends, for makeup sex is always the raunchiest kind of sex...

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

.