TMIT: AM I STILL TECHNICALLY ALIVE?

a lot of this prostate cancer/penis pump stuff is going over my head, i'm just here in my blue woolknit beanie trying to keep warm, avoiding the cancer of the psyche, and generally pumping myself up to seize the day. that is a cool skeleton pic, though, huh?

1. have you ever used a penis pump? turn on or off? can't say that i have, i now only have three cents to my name, so i couldn't afford it either way. as for pumps, i tried the three-pound dumbbells, but dumbbell that i am, i only lasted a few seconds, kinda like, well, yeah.

2. are you into the whole Viagra/Cialis thing? how did it work out? 4 hours, right, that's the claim? can't say that i have, but i do very much love the cinematography of those commercials, that eerie blue hue over everything, the matching tubs for husband and wife, that fucking pimp sailboat the dude uses to traverse the oceans to get to his honey, i mean, this is cinematic epic stuff, i'm sure if i ever were on the blue-pill juice, i'd feel Nietzchean Powerful like that, huh? commercials never lie, they stretch within federal limits, but never outright lie.

3. do you or your lover have experience with a penile implant? oh, you're so experienced, that's attractive in a man, that's what i hear all the time walking down the street. hey, i don't, but spread the implant wealth i say, let it be gender-neutral, soon women and men will be comprised of nothing but robotic parts for all of their sexual needs anyway, there will be elimination of the one-second man and the emergence of all women having huge breasts and a full butt, and Ghost In The Shell will commence.

4. lupron depot, loss of libido, diet changes?: okay, i know this is a serious topic, so i'll refrain from my usual shenanigans. speaking of food, though, seriously, i'm serious now, stay the FUCK away from that huge plastic container of Taco Bell XXL steak nachos, i was sick off that shit all weekend, those chips nearly destroyed me, i can't talk about it, can't relive it again or i'll throw up...all those fucking steak strips in the chips with that huge-ass dollop of sour cream and big-ass pound of guac that they smother it with....AHHHHHHHHHH, my tummy is feeling the effects again...shit, oh, no, help me, please, does anyone have a pink pill?

5. have you ever changed your diet for health reasons? not in relation to cancer, but when i was younger, i wanted to get buff as fuck, i'm a skinny stick you see, always have been, still am, so i sauntered on over to my local GNC and loaded up on big canisters of chocolate-milk-flavored muscle powder. the musclehead at the front counter had such kind eyes---and such insanely-unnatural biceps---that i literally couldn't turn him down for fear of getting pummeled right there on the store floor in front of everyone and the bright blinding overhead lights...long story short (too late), the powder didn't work at all on my body, i just pooed it all out like i usually do with every other food and drink i consume, though i still was tempted after all that i went through to try the strawberry flavor of the powder.

6. how would you react to a total lack of cum? i'd cry, but then i'd man up and try to choose a woman who would love me for me and not the gallons of cum i could produce onto all over her oily body. does such a woman exist? stay tuned...early signs and a look at the fortune magic 8-ball are "pointing to NO".

7. have you ever experienced the fabled "whole body orgasm"? no, but it does seem fabled and magical, i want to feel this in my toes and fingertips, i'm down to journey to a faraway land and talk to the monk situated by the hanging cliff to hear his thoughts on the subject. like Finn and Jake, i'll tuck away my long flowing blond hair into my white Finn hat and let's Tantric away.

8. do you think a man treated for prostate cancer deserves a blow job? if yes, please email Virtual Sin, aka SinnerMan: ABSOLUTELY!!! DEFINITELY!!! WITHOUT A DOUBT!!! of course, let us all experience the joys of sex and love and later heartbreak and existential doubt, yes, humans unite! with a name like SinnerMan, i'll ALL IN to the cause, fellow sinners join and boing :)

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