Friday, September 1, 2017



* IT'S TOO DAMN HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* isn't this when summer ENDS!!? it's confusing i know, the school year starts but there's still three more weeks of summer.

* i took my T-shirt off. there's still something clinging to my skin. i turned off all the lights, except my nightlight for protection. i waited until 7:34PM for sunset. i had never done that before, i looked at my ipad mini for the exact time of sunset, looked out my sheet to see that purple haze in the sky, then took an ice shower. that was my first sunset. and i was alone.

* i stuck a Lindy's Italian-ice lemon-flavor down my pants

* don't drink Kool-Aid..........................under any circumstances.


* njmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgf: my cat Talia just went on the keyboard

* dad: son, what do you look at every night under the covers with your ipad mini?
son: chess porn.

* dad: orange juice?
son: i only drink juices that are red or green.
dad: apple juice?
son: gamer's soda.

* son: what are you drinking? it's steaming.
dad: hot cola. trying to get close to you.
son: what's in the newspaper?
dad: nothing, it's a prop.

* dad: wanna watch?
son: i don't do sports.
dad: yeah but it's G.L.O.W. wrestling.

* son: dad, i'm still awake under these covers. i saw you look at my porn. that's extremely violative. please ask next time.
dad: i knew i should have read you a bedtime story.

* dad in the workshop: should be okay smoothing over this old table. mom never put on makeup anyway.

* dad: couldn't complete this table cos mom never allowed me to have sharp objects nor Minwax finish to huff.

* dad: gel stain cos the black represents my stained soul. polyurethane? can't, got a polysubstance problem. i can't drink beer like a normal man.

* dad: gotta use this garage late-night for something after my drummer died.

* dad: so son, how am i doing being a mom?
son: you're doing good just being a dad.
dad: thanks.
son: dad, whatever happened to mom? did you eat her?
dad: no, son, she found somebody who could eat her better.

* dad: i don't know how to play chess. is it like the slots?

* the Lewis chessmen were.......................very controversial...


* no, Death, red is your appropriate color...

* but seriously that is the nicest representation of Death i've ever seen. Bergman is a genius.


hotty weekend, my babies. go to the Central Park tennis courts this weekend and see if my butcher Roger Federer's got any choice slices. like a slice serve for my boy Big John Isner. why doesn't Isner do better? eh, Isner's got a hot fiancée and plenty of money in the bank and he travels all over the world on the back of a fuzzy yellow ball, trophies aren't everything. those trophies never fit in the upstairs carriage compartment on those jet-set planes.

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