TMIT: E-MALE: THE FAIRER SEX

from the male TMITers!:

1. Advizor: i once overheard in a bathroom, "there is nothing as overrated as sex or as underrated as a good bowel movement." discuss: i completely and wholeheartedly agree. sex is, y'know. but number 2 makes me feel alive, makes me feel human. i recall two specific examples, one from tv and one from film. i believe this is from The Thick of It, it's been awhile, but the one where the assistant ponders over his going poo and realizes that this is the only thing he can control in his life, he looks down at it afterwards in the bowl and utters, "i made that." the other is from a fantastic indie film from a famous Swedish director, i'm sorry, folks, i don't remember the title or the director, but this was this auteur's first real work, his final-exam college thesis film about a group of young people living downtown in a city, Stockholm i think. it's very Woody Allen, it's women and men philosophizing about sex, love, the future. one scene really struck me. a suitor and his lady love are talking, walking in the snow, and he reveals to her that he loves taking a dump because that's his quiet time, that's when he can afford to block out everything and think. he becomes connected to his body during the act of pooing, he connects to his human functions and it allows him a glimpse into the divine, it threads him to the eternal in the stars, he is a human doing what comes naturally human, and he can in that moment space out and know God, the One who designed him to function in this way.

2. the late phoenix: hey, that's me. thanks, H!: friendship lasts longer than cumming. which of your online friends that you've never met would you like to meet in real life? which do you think you could become life-long REAL friends with? actual friends, like going out to coffee and movies with, gossiping with, kissing on the forehead, hugging, loving: sorry for the annoyingly long question. well: Atiya, Phair, Cheeky Minx, Juli, Kazi, Missed Periods, Hedone, these have been my good online friends for awhile now, i appreciate them all, it's so hard to maintain friendships online because everyone likes to abandon their blogs at a moment's notice. i feel bad if i left out anyone, it's not that i don't like you, it's just that my memory has been bad for years, getting worse with every day, Sanjay Gupta talkin' bout Weed and everything. let's just say this: i love EVERYONE i've ever come into contact with online, every single person, even those i haven't and don't. i have a dream...i have a dream that one day, one glorious day we will meet IRL and there will be the kissing of the foreheads...

3. John D Stories: in a parallel universe, who out of your blog or twitter followers would you most like to spend a steamy evening with? what would you do? why them?: no more parallel universes and time machines, i want it in this universe, this version of reality anyway that we know about for sure. Cheeky, yeah, it has to be Cheeky. i had twitter for two days until i unknowingly gave all of my followers a virus. i wouldn't do that with Cheeky, i'd be on my best behavior, nice and proper and clean. the safe dirty would come later. what would we do? well, it's a steamy evening, so...fill in the blanks, y'know?...water, heat, volcanos, nature, yeah, we'd be in white lab coats and goggles in a classroom studying steam. science is sexy. sauna? outdoor hot springs like you see in anime? maybe, if she wants to, i mean, i like to remain dirty and learning at all times. why Cheeky? 'cause she's cool...and hot like steam.

4. Virtual Sin: a) what method of stimulation (intercourse, toy, manual, oral) gives you the strongest orgasm?: i like my toys...if you know what i mean.

b) which method gives you the most orgasms?: i like my toys...if you catch my drift.

c) if the answer to a is different from the answer to b, what's wrong with your life?: i like my toys, ya feeling me? ha ha ha, man, i am so...i dunno...my life...i'm a blogger, and...yeah...so, bleh.

5. Jon Pressick: would you rather have a life where you only had sex once a year for 2 minutes or where you have to have sex every day for a minimum of 2 hours?: time is a human construct, it doesn't really exist. i want to live a life that matters. i want to have sex with a beautiful woman that i'm in love with. i want her to be my girlfriend and then my wife. i want to grow old with her. i want to write this seed of a sci-fi movie. i want to make enough money off the film to buy a time machine. i want to enter that time machine and go into the far future to see what's really out there. i want to fully feel, not just intellectually realize, that time doesn't exist, that it's a human construct, and thus i would be stuck in the time machine forever because it couldn't really fly anywhere because time doesn't exist. i want to be stuck in the Null Void with Who, i mean, with you...

bonus: Nero: is there anyone on your partner's side of the family that you find hot? if you could hook up with them without anyone ever finding out (ever!), would you?: i don't have a partner. i should've traveled in my time machine with a Companion, but there was, ironically, no time for that. now i'm in the Null Void. wait, what's coming towards me? it's a Fang Worm. it's a fucking Fang Worm! i thought they were a myth. evasive maneuvers! shit, it hit the corner of my time machine, i'm spinning in circles. i hit my head on the ceiling hard. make it stop! eat me, Fang Worm, stop my pain, stop my bleeding! the Fang Worm had me for its lunch. i'm dead. no more TMIT posts.

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